Please Ignore My Swollen Lymph Nodes and Let Me Hit That Juul
Photo by Natalia Joseph / The Daily Pennsylvanian
March 27, 2019 at 8:16 pm
Can I hit that Juul?
I know everyone’s talking about this mumps shit — that’s messed up, right?
Do I have mumps ? What the hell, man, course not. Can I get a hit, bruh? I see you got those spicy mango pods. I love that shit.
Oh – my neck seems a bit swollen? Nah nah nah, that’s just cause this hot chick – you know, Jessika, the smoking hot redhead in the red from last night – she was just going to town on my neck and –
Why is it swollen in the exact place where my “lymph nodes” are? What can I say – Sara – Jessika – whatever — was gnawing on me like a fucking Chihuahua. It was wack.
My fever? That’s just cause of my hangover? That’s a thing people get from a hangover, right? That’s why I’m running at a cool 104. Let me hit that Juuuuuuuuul.
I don’t have mumps! How dare you – just because I haven’t washed a single dish that I’ve used for the past two weeks, and I’ve made out with seventeen women, three men, and one statue doesn’t mean I got mumps! That’s some Temple shit. Now will you let me hit that bad boy, please.
No dude, I wasn’t vaccinated. That’s how you get the disease in the first place. I’m not stupid.
Ok dude – whatever. Such a hard ass.
Guess I’ll go ask Jessika if I can hit her Juul again.