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Heartbreaking: New UTB Writer Discovers Nobody Reads Beyond the Headline of Articles


Photo by Incase / CC BY 2.0

What the hell guys? I thought we had something here. Are you telling me that not a single person made it to page 52 of my long-form satire from last week? I put a lot of effort into these articles and you don’t even have the audacity to click the link.

I saw you Zack. You definitely just exhaled more than usual after you read my headline. Yeah and you just tagged Sadfraz in the comments. Wait, that’s it? You won’t open my article? My headline isn’t even that good.

Okay, we can compromise. I promise to put all my best jokes in the opening paragraph as long as you promise that you read at least that. Deal? 

At least I know my future employers will read these articles.