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OP-ED: My Parents Pay My Rent, and I Expect Them To Continue Doing So


Photo by Pavel Kunitsky / CC0

I’ll say it. My parents pay my rent, and I see no indication that they will stop any time soon. They’re relieving a large financial burden on me, which allows me to fund my extremely expensive Ketamine habit. 

Sure, when I turn 25, I’ll have to find my own healthcare. Big whoop. Last I checked, there’s no age limit to Mommy and Daddy’s rent checks. Take that, the government.

Oh, even when I get a job you ask? They’ll pay. I’m going to either Los Angeles or New York, where I will be under serious stress to find a new plug for Ketamine. How will I ever be able to focus on money? 

You’re just jealous. My parents care, while yours sent you to boarding school so they could run off to their lake house in Okoboji, Iowa. You know who would never abandon me? Willis —  my Ketamine dealer. He gets me. Although he makes an ass-ton selling K, his parents gladly pay his rent. I just hope Mom and Dad stay healthy long into old age. Otherwise, who’s going to foot the bill for my nursing home?