Meet the Statesman Writer Whose Piece on Pronouns Has 15 Page Views

A recent Statesman piece has made waves in Penn’s anti–pronouns, pro–coal community. The piece, entitled “My Thin, Graying Beard and Receding Hairline Should Exempt Me from Providing Pronouns” has received a whopping 15 pageviews all by itself, up 87% from the site’s total pageviews for the entire month of February.  

The article’s author Brett Scalia is ecstatic: “I’m just really excited to see people finally getting excited about issues that matter. That resentment that wells up inside me every time pronouns are included in an introduction will no longer be in vain. This resentment usually results from my general feelings of insecurity and negativity in life, but now I can tell myself that I have a small army of supporters behind me.”

Scalia is ready to continue tearing down people who don’t look like him following this bout of fame. His next article is entitled, “Why the World Needs Straight Pride Month.”