Incoming Freshman: Take Advantage of Your Peer Advisors Before They Ghost You for the Next Four Years

So, you’ve gotten into Penn. Congrats! You did great! Your parents will never say it, since your brother Mattias already has a wife, three kids, perfect hair, and a job on Wall Street, so we're saying it for them.

Now comes the time to pick your classes. You will inevitably pick the wrong ones, fail the first midterm, and not learn about the add/drop deadline until it's far too late.  

Some people might tell you to take advantage of your peer advisors so that you may cite the wisdom that comes from older students, and I would say go right ahead. 

However.

You have a short time period before that person, who explicitly applied, solicited recommendations, and went through at least three rounds of interviews in order to take on the role of peer mentor starts to ghost you. 

I mean, did you actually think they wanted to help?

Of course, their behavior is completely understandable. All you are to them is a useful line item which demonstrates a small inclination towards helping others, right up against all the other bullet points showing willful participation in exploitative enterprises that contribute to the steady decaying of our planet. But, also, advanced Excel skills. 

Now, we acknowledge peer advisors can be very helpful, and so we recommend you get in contact with them as soon as possible. This is only to to push-off the inevitable four-year ghosting (almost as bad as what Ben from ZBT will do to you). 

If you can’t get in contact electronically, we recommend the following: first, bribe an administrator for your peer advisor's schedule and personal details. Second, show up at their classes and refuse to leave until a meeting is set. If this doesn’t work, proceed to go to their dorm. Slip messages under the door that make vague statements around possible consequences (hacking, blackmail, and losing certain, less important appendages). Then make sure you seal the deal by following up via email, suggesting a meeting at Wilcaf the next day to discuss your academic future. 

If all else fails, maybe contact your pre-major advisor, but we can’t promise they’re going to ghost you any less — in fact, they're probably with your peer advisor right now, yucking it up over a nice glass of Cabernet and a nice brie. All on the University's dime, of course.