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"Math Is Beautiful," Says Not-So-Beautiful Nerd



Who’s that homely, sleep-deprived kid stumbling drunkenly out of the doors of DRL? Why, it’s none other than the calculus wizard himself, Brian Lombard (E ‘21)!

Although he himself isn’t exactly the spitting image of beauty, Lombard does have an appreciation for something else that is beautiful: math.

“Numbers are sexy,” Lombard told UTB. “I would take a triple integral out to dinner if I could.”

Taking into account his looks, it’s probably for the better that Lombard has such deviant interests. Unfortunately, his nerd-like demeanor and resemblance to a sickly British orphan has greatly hurt his chances in the Penn dating pool.

“Hey, it’s not my fault I look like this,” Lombard said. “I’m just too busy exploring the divine axioms of mathematics for earthly things like showering or getting a healthy amount of sleep each night, you know?”

Despite the fact Lombard would actually look half-decent if he shaved his 5 o'clock shadow, he remains convinced that the only way to achieve true beauty is through linear algebra.

“One day, I will shed this imperfect vessel and ascend to the vector space,” Lombard said, a wistful look in his eye. “That or the one really weird kid in my CIS class will finally figure out how to upload my consciousness onto his TI-84. Whichever comes first.”