Gillison entered Penn this past fall full of energy... Now, he looks more like a professor than a student.

“I don’t know how much longer we can survive by just selling 100 dollar access codes.”

 I am here to tell you all that familial affection is all you need to feel good.

96% percent of Penn students can't figure it out! Will you be able to distinguish Amy Gutmann's salary from a phone number? Test your skills in this short, interactive quiz!

Forget the dew-drinking keyboard denizen at Amazon HQ. It doesn't matter to me if you’re part of a worldwide data-mining operation orchestrated by Jeff Bezos himself. What matters is that you’re mine, sweetheart.

And who's this running in from the back? Why, none other than President Amy Gutmann, a permanent job contract resting in her hand. “You’ve done our Penn community well, Brandon,” Gutmann said with a smile.

Freshmen agree: our staff just hasn’t been shouting loudly enough.

New posters have cropped up since the initial one, but lately the messages have switched from being oddly threatening to just flat out aggressive.

“Why take Chick Lit or Roman Mythology like a sucker when you could be relishing the Pod experience,” Blankenship gloated before returning his attention to a 15-second clip of “Spirited Away" looping on a nearby monitor.

No doubt about it, CIS major and entrepreneur Joey Freeman (E ‘21, W '21) means business.

And so, being the enthusiastic fan he is, Corbin donned a tasteful homemade Mario costume and hit the ground running, console and controller in hand, to find a worthy opponent on campus.

At around 9:30 p.m. last Thursday, Wharton freshman Philip Saunders used a perfectly good “Golden Wonder” bath bomb from Lush in a grimy Kings Court bathtub.

“They had us uprooting orchids, roses, tulips, carnations—all in the sweltering hot sun, ” Stewart murmured. “The rumors were true. This really is a weed-out class.” 

It may not be snowing yet, but the inside of Huntsman already looks like a bona fide winter wonderland.

From the moment he received his PennCard that sunny August 22nd, Charles Chavez (C ‘22) knew he was cut out for excellence.

As for payout, you can expect a cool $7.25 per hour (as well as the priceless joy of murmuring “ch-ch-ch-chia” to yourself as you complete your horticultural duties).

The results are in! 10 out of 10 Penn students agree.

"Academic professionals everywhere know that the human brain performs at its best when under immense, crippling stress."

From his pristine GPA to his extracurriculars, Preston Fleming (C ’21) was a guy who had school figured out. Or at least, so he thought. 

Panic quickly devolved into horror in class today as fine arts major April Hubman (C’20) suddenly realized that the abstract algebra class she was in had absolutely nothing to do with abstract art.