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Oops! Junior Misses Hey Day, Has to Repeat College


Oh no! Dani Kroll (C ‘20) was all set to start senior year off with style. With stellar grades and a stunning portfolio of community service, Kroll was already fending off CURF emails begging her to apply for the Rhodes.

But then it all went wrong.

“I’d come back really late from a shift at the soup kitchen,” Kroll sobbed to our reporter, “so I woke up late — too late to make Hey Day.”

What a disaster! Per university policy, Kroll was immediately re-enrolled as a freshman. A College Office staffer commented that “the administration believes Hey Day is so irrevocably entwined with the Junior Experience™ that any student who misses it can hardly be allowed to be called a Penn student at all.”

Poor Kroll!

In other news, the 1,458 sophomores who missed U-Night, the new annual tradition of that class, will be forcibly re-enrolled in fourth grade.