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Breaking: Old White Man in DP Comments Section Has Solution to Curing Democracy of All Corruption!


Photo by Helgi Halldórsson / CC BY-SA 2.0

The United States government is rife with bureaucratic mess, and the people of the US are fed up with the actions taken up by their leaders.

“I’m fed up,” said American citizen Joe Shmoo. 

And it seemed like nothing could be done! Our democracy was in shambles! Corruption was rife! Children were being thrown from the barricades! Gas prices went up by $0.02! Matt still hasn’t texted me back! 

But then – our hero arose from the tangled thorny mess which is the Facebook comment section, come to save us all from the hellscape of our current world. 

Bryan S. Thompson. Class of '72. 

Our hero.

On a DP article about a congressional scandal, Thompson flexed his journalistic muscles and typed out a few words:

“lol, wrong. Throw em’ all out."

His comment, posted on Wednesday morning at 1:04 a.m., has already amassed 10,321 likes, has caught the attention of several major news outlets including The Washington Post and The New York Times, and has got him scheduled to be on Ellen later this week. 

Furthermore, the United Nations has reached out to Thompson already to serve as a consultant for the Security Council in the fall, and the president has also sent him a hand delivered gift basket of crumpled McDonald’s containers. 

Thompson has said that he will continue his good work, keeping our democracy clean and pure by commenting on burgeoning journalists posts with “WRONG!” and “lame.” 

With this continuing campaign, he hopes to “cure democracy” of all the “bad shit” in it and aims to run for the US Senate next year on a platform of "throwing em' all out."