Penn Ranked 15th in Order of Colleges Listed On Dropdown Menu When You Type “University of Pennsylvania”

In the best Penn-related news since the day we almost thought we weren’t a part of the admissions scandal, Penn has been ranked 15th place in the order of colleges listed when typing “University of Pennsylvania” into a dropdown list of American universities.

Topping the list, as always, was Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania. Despite having no relation to Penn, this sham of a university continues to masquerade as some kind of satellite campus of ours. Despite there being no other universities with the name “Bloomsburg” in them, in the 1980’s this piece of shit institution actually added ‘of Pennsylvania’ to their name, perhaps so they could annually top this ranking. You win this time, Bloomsburg.

Coming in at #2 and #7 were California University of Pennsylvania and Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Not only do these schools only exist to confuse Penn students who are just trying to sign into their Xfinity on Campus accounts, but they also go out-of-state to ruin the days of Indiana University and Cal students who are just trying to live their lives free of confusion. While these schools aren’t as alphabetically advantageous as Bloomsburg, the level of trolling they are doing to other colleges at the expense of the sheer ridiculousness of their names is commendable.

As always, at the very bottom of the list was the University of Pennsylvania. It’s been a total fall from grace for the school since 1740, when they firmly held the #1 spot. Nowadays, Penn students must scroll all the way down any list to find their own school. Pity.

With all that said, I urge the Penn Administration to make things right once and for all and restore our formly glory as the #1 University of Pennsylvania in the state. Therefore, I recommend we change our school’s name to “Aaaaa University of Pennsylvania” and end the madness.