After a 45 minute wait, I was called back into a care room. I was told to take a seat. Trying to jump the gun, I sat on the operating table. I like how the slight elevation makes my legs fall asleep as they dangle.
Henderson did not realize it at the time, but he was creating a diverse ecosystem in his apartment — one that was becoming increasingly unstable.
“Next semester I will be exploring the role that LSD-using aliens had in developing world religions."
Most people think that Bobby’s Burgers closed down due to their abysmal management or highly overpriced burgers. They're wrong. As we all know, inflated prices and rude management are a prerequisite to starting a successful restaurant in West Philly.
Like any self-hating Jew, I love me a good sukkah. Who wouldn’t want to spend the holidays in a cubic hut?
Penn is no longer well-endowed. After years of the university’s endowment growing gradually, in 2019, Penn’s endowment lost 6.5% of its girth.
Oh are my plumes of fumes bothering you? Sorry not sorry, cause this is my emotional support juul and I need it to function.
On Tuesday night, Youtube commenter YungWiz69 sat listlessly at his computer and tried to think of what to comment on Katy Perry’s official music video for 2010 hit “Firework". How did he feel? Like a plastic bag. “I just couldn’t decide,” YungWiz69 later told UTB. “Did I want to write ‘like this comment if you’re still listening to this in 2019!!’ or did I want to say ‘the worst part of this video is the gays.’ How do I choose!”
I was intimidated by your mastery of Franklin, Google Scholar, and all its derivatives. Most of all, I was fearful that you would prove to me just how little I know about books and sourcing them compared to you.
While sitting in his PSYC 162 lecture, Doyle perfectly spelled physiological in his notes.
After tying the game 2-2, things went downhill fast for Penn. In the top of the 4th inning, Mr. Richard sent the hounds. With their three best hitters up to bat next, the team of scrappy, prepubescent boys put up eight runs in that inning alone, essentially ending the game.
So you’ve been talking to a guy for a little bit, but you just can’t tell how boujee he really is.
Every professor tells me the same thing about you Nick, that you’re a “great resource when writing a paper,” but let’s be real, when it’s down to the wire, I’m going on funfactz.com/great-depression to write my paper not Articles+ on Franklin.
In last Thursday’s Democratic debate, former Vice President Joe Biden assaulted the audience’s ears with a two-minute diatribe on everything from racial relations to how to raise your kids. The lesson: make sure the lil fellas listen to the record player so they can hear words.
Stay perfectly still like you’re just a mannequin of a boy peeing. Science has proven that if you stay perfectly still, people will think you are a statue or an art installation.
His penchant for covering his face with ray-bands that went out of style twenty years ago should’ve been a sign.
After kissing his girlfriend Vanessa goodbye, Carpenter turned on the treadmill in Pottruck and began his slow, slow hike. He selected Lyon, France as a starting point and looked back at his girlfriend, now crying too as she walked out of the gym.
If he could just muster the energy to write the name of the class in a visually pleasing font, he could possibly remind himself what giving a single fuck actually felt like.
Figuring eight years of vice presidential experience was not enough to prepare him for the big promotion, Biden created this role for himself to prepare for 2020.
“Hear me out,” President Gutmann started in a recent trustee meeting. “Free bee implants for every student who enters CAPS."