He hadn’t shown up to his PSYC 170 class since mid-September and with the final in the morning, he knew his ass was grass.
Vilsack opened up a new document in Google Drive and just started writing.
Two years ago, they were stuck in the middle—not bad enough to disband, but not good enough for anyone to show up to their parties.
It’s officially cuffing season and Student Health Services is here to make sure you keep your pecker in checker.
She had spent the last two months researching Spanish-speaking countries in hopes of finding one where residents only spoke in simple, indicative sentences.
No way will my child play football — at least, not with those slow feet.
When infamous slumlord Cam Partments told College junior Greg Giacomo and his roommates that they couldn’t adopt a cat, they were devastated.
Around 10 p.m. last night, Jack went to the bathroom — the one that looks a little fancy from the outside but has the same stank as the bathrooms in Pottruck.
Yo kid, that’s not a mouse under your refrigerator, that’s a goddamn elephant shrew, and you better take good care of it.
Johnny Lawson (C '21) takes a sip of gatorade. It’s the fourth quarter, he’s down eight points and it all comes down to this.
Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.
As this frigid October continues to prove that global warming is a left-wing hoax, students have been donning their winter coats especially early this year.
After nine months of getting his hopes up, Jeremy Bird (C ‘20) didn’t want to get fooled again.
Professor Schumann’s Biology 101 students were only five minutes into their first midterm when disaster struck. Schumann watched as students finished the first page of the test and flipped open the second page. Not a single student chuckled—not even a wry smile. Schumann had forgotten to include his sixth favorite Calvin and Hobbes comic strip above question 8.
Last Friday night, students were alarmed to hear of a burglary at 40th and Walnut. While most of us locked ourselves in our bedrooms scared shitless until we received the “all clear” message from Penn security, one student faced the danger head on.
Gone are the days of neckties on your doorknob and drunk texts at 2:00 a.m. kindly asking your roommate to fuck off to their friend’s couch. Students are now able to conveniently schedule their hookups directly through LibCal.
Last night, Van Pelt Library was awarded its greatest honor to date. In a surprise announcement, head of the Transportation Security Administration David Shoosoff named Van Pelt the recipient of their prestigious “Keeping Americans Safe Award."