Our curated playlist spans from T-Wayne to Silentó. Acceptable dress can take the form of dressing like you’re in the NBA when you’re really 5’ 7”, cuffed jeans and Stan Smiths, or just head-to-toe Supreme.
Throw a couple mandarin oranges (call them by their Spanish name to make it seem more expensive) and a kiwi into a bowl, say it’s from some island off of New Zealand, and there will be a line of white women out the door by 11 a.m..
What can I say? I gave my long-term girlfriend a promise ring last week and we’re staying together through college.
Last weekend he went down on me and when he was ‘done,’ he asked if that could double-count for the rest of the week.
All I’m trying to say is that I’m 100% vulnerable to the measles, but I’m also 100% down to fuck.
While he doesn’t plan on using them to hurt anyone, he does plan on practicing with them every 12 to 3 o’clock on College Green.
Statistics professor Dan Swanson was not shocked to learn that just 7.44% of applicants for the Class of 2023 were admitted to Penn. According to the professor, the number aligns perfectly with his prediction that by 2050, Penn may not even admit a single member of the human species.
Last weekend, club leadership went on the game show Wheel of Fortune for the sole purpose of purchasing two vowels. While things got off to a slow start when Collctve president Justin Davies (C ‘20) accidentally bought an O, one of the few vowels the Collctve already had, eventually the club rebounded and bought the proper letters.
Did you know that Verizon leads the nation in every conceivable category? Best coverage, best customer service, best plans. Hell, they’re now the best man at your wedding, whether you like it or not.
I’ll keep this short. This Devin Wasserman kid is a little punk.
A light bulb went off in his head during a discussion about the U.S.’s decision to enter World War II.
“Wouldn’t this toilet paper just look so good in my bathroom instead?”
Despite receiving a 51 on the class’s first exam and missing two homework deadlines, Shazer redeemed himself in the eyes of Dr. Mackey with his outstanding performance in their last class.
How else will she be a nationally ranked athlete unless she joins a sport that less than 5,000 people in America play?
Kauffman intended to be in and out of the store in under 10 minutes.
Sheck Wes’s “MUDBOY” has guided me through type 4 logs and type 2 craggly poos. Truly Sheck has been there through the best and worst of times.
There was just something about her mix of confidence and humility that I was immediately attracted to. With no options left, I shot my shot.
Adam doth wanted to go to a Snakes fraternity party, but the bro at the front door was all like, ‘thou shalt take a lap and come back with ye woman because the ratio inside’s fucked.
Believing the sign to actually signify that all drugs on campus were free and, perhaps, even provided to students, Caulfield immediately set his sights on the school.
In the spirit of giving, UTB is here to help you d-bags out. It was hard to narrow down the five best windows out of the 1,366,475 windows on campus, but after great deliberation we have compiled a list.