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Confident! Senior Reserves Hotel Room for Future Son's 2041 graduation


Photo by Senior Airman Melissa Estevez / CC0

Every year, parents struggle to find accommodations near campus during graduation season. When Bob Mallow (N ‘20) learned that his parents would be Skyping in on his big day, he knew things needed to change.

“I come from a long line of terrible planners,” he sighed, “My great grandfather put our family wealth in stocks the day before the great depression started. His son signed up for Vietnam so that he could sublet his house, which burned down right after he set out because he didn’t turn the gas off. This ends with me.”

Mallow, in a stroke of brilliance, booked four rooms in the Inn at Penn for May 2041. “I ran the math,” said Mallow, “and apparently I will have four children, the oldest of which will matriculate at Penn in 2037 and graduate in 2041 with a double major in Anthropology and Romanian. My future wife and three other children will stay in these four rooms, which I snagged at a fantastic discount. Booking early helps!”

When asked about where he’ll be staying, he sighed and noted that he would die in a car crash in 2035, but added that the trauma would make for a great Common App essay.