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Freshman Celebrates 3 Birthdays, Graduation Before Her Wawa Mac and Cheese Is Ready


Photo by jeffreyw / CC BY 2.0

It was 2:00 A.M., and Katherine Brightson (C ‘23) had just vacated the premises of West and Down. After getting just a little too Whiteclaw wasted on a Wednesday night, Brightson decided that she had a craving that only Wawa mac and cheese could satisfy. 

Brightson, despite her extreme inebriation, successfully navigated the Wawa terminal, collected her receipt, and paid for it at the front cashier, only tripping four times and only taking one detour to the Wawa bathroom. All that was left was for her to wait patiently for her order number to be called at the counter. 

Brightson waited like the dutiful customer that she was. To Brightson, the minutes stretched on like eternities. After ten of them, she started getting sober. After 20, she was painfully sober. After 30, she wondered if she had made a mistake. At the 45 minute mark, Brightson fully gave in, returned home, and collapsed into her bed. 

Three years later, Brightson had completely forgotten about her absentee Wawa mac and cheese. In fact, Brightson didn’t remember much at all from that night. She celebrated three birthdays, and, in time, didn’t even need to rely on a shoddy fake Maine ID to get into clubs. She loved, she lost, she fucked, and became the washed-up senior that she always knew that she was destined to be. 

Through some mixture of grit, luck, and actions that directly violated the Student Code of Conduct, Brightson successfully conquered her undergrad years and earned the privilege to get heatstroke with the rest of her class on Franklin Field. After patiently enduring the opening ceremonies, Brightson’s name was at last called. Euphoric, Brightson strode across the stage to receive her diploma from Dr. Gutmann herself. But the eighth president of this university was holding more than just Brightson’s diploma. “You’re order's up,” Dr. Gutmann said cheerfully, handing Brightson her diploma and, at long last, her Wawa mac and cheese.

“Oh my God,” sobbed Brightson, overwhelmed at the moment. “I can’t believe it’s finally here.” Sitting back down in the audience, Brightson at last got to taste the golden goodness that had eluded her these past three years. “Mm,” groaned Brightson in ecstasy, “It was honestly worth the wait.”