Career Services Tells Student to Take Karate off Resume, Gets Roundhouse Kicked to Face

Hi-ya! Former yellow-belt Daniel Simpson (W ’21) really showed career services advisor Dr. Eva Matthews who’s boss.

Last Wednesday, Simpson arrived at his resume-workshop appointment with what he thought was a flawless resume including his professional, academic, and mixed-martial arts experience, making him an incredible candidate for the positions to which he was applying. However, Dr. Matthews had different ideas. 

She gently suggested that telling potential employers about his extremely minimal karate accomplishments was unnecessary and that maybe Daniel's skills such as “conversational Spanish” or “Microsoft Excel” would be better things to showcase to hiring officers. 

This feedback was not taken well by the young Senpai. Before Dr. Matthews could get another word out, Daniel assumed his stance, took a deep breath, and roundhouse kicked her straight in the face. As Dr. Matthews clutched her jaw in pain, he yelled, “Do you still think my karate skills are useless NOW?!” 

“I have no regrets about my course of action,” Daniel told UTB. “I know my sensei would be really proud of me.” 

Daniel's sensei declined our request for comment.