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Grace Ginsburg


Articles

Not Again! Getting in WilCaf Line at 10:59 Makes Sarah Late to Class Again

Why does it need to take A WHOLE MINUTE for me to order, pay, and receive my complicated espresso drink made with a mixture of non-dairy milks?! 


Spring Has Sprung! Jack Broke out His Birkenstocks and Now We Get to See His Toes Everyday

After months and months of being held captive by the prison that is closed toed shoes, Jack is finally able to grace us all with his two-year-old pair of Birkenstocks that proudly display his size 11 feet.


Happy Earth Day! Here's Some Pics of Me on Expensive Outdoorsy Trips

If all the turtles die, who am I going to swim with when I go back to my fave spot in Kauai? Def not my mom lol. Pleaseeee save the turtles so I don’t have to hang out with my mom in Hawaii! 


Student Prepping for SHS Appointment Guzzles 6 Bottles of Gummy Vitamins

 It's just like studying for a test. When you don't pay attention all semester, you cram the night before, and then you get an A.


OP-ED: It Is Aries Szn and I Totally Understand What That Means, Haha

Jupiter’s in retrograde, which is supposed to bring out my spontaneous side, which is NOT something I researched for this particular article.


Here Are 4 Flouncy Skirts for You to Black out in This Fling

Anyone who’s anyone knows that the most important part of Spring Fling is the fit you sport from darty to darty throughout the weekend.


Here Are 5 Puddles You Can Splash Around in Instead of Paying for Pool Party This Fling

Whether you are among the many that couldn’t snatch a ticket or you came to the brave and shocking conclusion that $70 was simply too much to pay to for a pool party without swimming, we have the solution for you.


OP-ED: Sorry Class Board Candidates, I’ll Only Vote for You if Your Name is Hot

I am not going to remember your name. There are about 36,000 people running for the UA (sidebar – I don’t even know what that is) and another 4 billion running for internal secretary president of the College’s class board chair, and I cannot keep track.


Hero in Our Midst: Tall White Guy Turns on Projector for Professor

But God willing, Jared Donovan was there to save the day. 


There's No Mumps Outbreak, Wendell Pritchett Just Really Wanted to Use "Inflamed Testicles" in a Mass Email

Upon further inquiry, UTB staff confirms that there isn’t, in fact, a mumps outbreak. Vice Provost Wendell Pritchett simply wanted the opportunity to make the words “inflamed testicles” appear in the inboxes of 8,000 undergraduate students.


An Open Letter to the Person in the Stall Next to Me: Please Leave so I Can Shit, I Am Terrified

Don’t get me wrong. You seem super dope with your high-top converse and all, but this isn’t working out. 


Frat Boy’s Facebook Party Description Awarded the BRO-Litzer Prize for Literature

The events are carefully reviewed by a committee of esteemed writers who judge the pieces on a myriad of qualifications. 


OP-ED: Beto O’Rourke’s Butt Should Run for President

Politics, shmolitics. Beto has the vibe of the chill, hot, divorcee who skateboards when he’s not running a tech company in which everyone wears jeans. And his buttocks look damn good in those jeans.


Report: 97% of SHS Funding Goes to Futuristic Elevators Rather Than Healthcare

It’s such a relief to finally know our tuition dollars are being put to good use.


Valiant! This Junior Attended Mask and Wig’s “The Book of Mermen” Completely Sober

With a blood alcohol content of 0.00%, Joseph stepped through the doors of the Mask and Wig Clubhouse.


Get You a Girl That Can Do Both! I Love Socialism and Urban Outfitters

Workers of the world unite! But can you not, like unite SO much? I still want my crop tops. 


BREAKING: Sophomore Sells Hair on Dark Web to Afford Big/Little Week

Her pixie cut isn’t the identity crisis you think it is.


Hey Samantha! Liking Oat Milk Isn’t a Personality Trait

It actually does NOT count as oppression when you walk into United By Blue and learn that they are out of it. 


Scalding Take: Tristan Thinks Israel and Palestine Should Reach a Two-State Solution

Two groups want a chunk of land. Draw a line down the middle. Each group gets half. Bada bing bada boom.


Report: 100% of People That Watch Super Bowl for Ads Are Quirky and Different

While she liked almost all of the ads, her favorites included “that one with the M&M, that funny one with the beer, and the one with the babies.” 


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