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Grace Ginsburg


Articles

Astronautical Engineering and Ten Other Things That Are Easier Than Meal Prepping for One

Childbirth. Now that we’re thinking about it, having twins is probably on par with meal prepping’s level of difficulty. But just one kid? Definitely easier. 


Philly Heroes! Frats Holding Events Downtown To Support Local Restaurants

So frats made a commitment: they were going to host their date nights, rush events, and BYOs at bars and restaurants in the community -- all to stimulate the economy, of course. | Megan Striff-Cave & Grace Ginsburg 




Stressful, Miserable Campus Now Cold and Disease Ridden

Ultimately, everything is bad and nothing is good, and we should all strap in and buckle up for the joint slay of horror that is coming to us in the spring of 2021. 


BREAKING: Penn Makes Firm, Decisive Spring Plan That Will Definitely Not Change

They are firm, realistic, executable plans that could change at any moment the second we decide something else is more profitable or convenient for us. 


BREAKING: Acme to Open a Mini Acme Inside the Starbucks in Acme

Acme executives have voted to greenlight a 10 million dollar construction project that will erect a mini Acme inside Acme’s satellite Starbucks.


Fast Fashion? Zara Order Taking a Little Too Long to Arrive

Days on end I have spent somberly staring out the window, my feminine passions lit ablaze by the sight of anyone resembling a delivery man. 


Under the Button’s Guide to Voting (For Girls and Gays)

3. Distribute poppers to the poll workers to demonstrate your appreciation for the LGBTQ+ guardians of civil liberty. 


OP-ED: It Would Be Really Awesome If They Found a Vaccine

This pandemic has been pretty tough on everyone. For example, the other day I made soup and it took a long time. So frustrating! :/ 


Breaking: You Don’t Have to Go Home, but You Can’t Stay Here

This is a closing time reference! 


Crisis Averted: TSA Seized Grace’s Hummus in Airport Security

"This was a major security risk for Grace, her fellow passengers, and ultimately everyone in this airport. We had no choice but to destroy it," TSA Agent Richard Yu told UTB staff.


BREAKING: Penn Biden Center Endorses Bernie Sanders For President

“It ultimately came down to us endorsing a candidate we thought could stay awake during a Congressional hearing,” the Center wrote in a statement. “Mr. Biden isn’t senile… but he’s not not senile.” 


Writer’s Block Begone! Here Are 12 More Free Sentences You Can Plop Into Your Essay

Above all for existentialists like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, the death of God caused extreme anxiety in the hearts of Europeans.


Inside the Mask and Wig Pitch Room

The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production. 


Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class

We're going to take Locust today. It's going to be fine.


OP-ED: Oh, You’re in a Comedy Group! Boy Do I Have Some Ideas for You!

You know what’s also really funny sometimes? Penn jokes! Like about how Wharton students and how they love finance lol. That’s good comedy. Why do they love finance so much?


Ok Boomer! Mom Likes Those ‘Little Tik Tok Videos’

“I just really like those little Tik Tok videos!” Mrs. Bernstein claimed with her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose. 


Ok Boomer! Barack Obama Canceled Cancel Culture so He’s Canceled Now

Apparently, he said something about “the idea of purity and always [being] politically woke,” but all I heard was “BLAH BLAH I’M A BOOMER BLAH BLAH BLAH.”


OP-ED: My Costume Is Actually Really Funny, You Just Don’t Get the Reference

Listen! It’s SO fine that you don’t get it, because I have very particular taste in shows and other forms of popular media, and not everyone is like that! But I do want to make sure we are on the same page about one thing: this costume IS funny.


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