You know what’s also really funny sometimes? Penn jokes! Like about how Wharton students and how they love finance lol. That’s good comedy. Why do they love finance so much?

“I just really like those little Tik Tok videos!” Mrs. Bernstein claimed with her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose. 

Apparently, he said something about “the idea of purity and always [being] politically woke,” but all I heard was “BLAH BLAH I’M A BOOMER BLAH BLAH BLAH.”

Listen! It’s SO fine that you don’t get it, because I have very particular taste in shows and other forms of popular media, and not everyone is like that! But I do want to make sure we are on the same page about one thing: this costume IS funny.

“I have no regrets about my course of action,” Daniel told UTB. “I know my sensei would be really proud of me.” 

If you could read, you would know this is reserved.

In an article earlier this month, the Daily Pennsylvanian reported that the renowned Penn Museum was “rebrand[ing] itself as a ‘gift to the city’ after recent renovations.”

Chloe Jameson (E ’20) is one of many participants. You can find her sitting cross-legged in College Hall, demanding Penn’s divestment from oil, coal, and gas companies, chanting about the looming threat of sea-level rise. But, what if you ask her which bin to put a crumpled sheet of paper in? Expect a blank stare in return. 

Jenny decided to pick up a Fujifilm disposable to take cute pics of her friends drinking various types of spiked seltzer.

After years of thinking that the University's infamous On Campus Recruiting program was a celebratory rat-pride week called "On Campus Rats," they recently learned the truth. 

When they told me I was taking an engineering course, I thought that meant learning how to change the batteries in my string lights and setting up my Amazon Alexa.

"These women are literally setting the planet on fire with their confidence. Is this really a fire we want to put out?" 

Why does it need to take A WHOLE MINUTE for me to order, pay, and receive my complicated espresso drink made with a mixture of non-dairy milks?! 

After months and months of being held captive by the prison that is closed toed shoes, Jack is finally able to grace us all with his two-year-old pair of Birkenstocks that proudly display his size 11 feet.

If all the turtles die, who am I going to swim with when I go back to my fave spot in Kauai? Def not my mom lol. Pleaseeee save the turtles so I don’t have to hang out with my mom in Hawaii! 

 It's just like studying for a test. When you don't pay attention all semester, you cram the night before, and then you get an A.

Jupiter’s in retrograde, which is supposed to bring out my spontaneous side, which is NOT something I researched for this particular article.

Anyone who’s anyone knows that the most important part of Spring Fling is the fit you sport from darty to darty throughout the weekend.

Whether you are among the many that couldn’t snatch a ticket or you came to the brave and shocking conclusion that $70 was simply too much to pay to for a pool party without swimming, we have the solution for you.

I am not going to remember your name. There are about 36,000 people running for the UA (sidebar – I don’t even know what that is) and another 4 billion running for internal secretary president of the College’s class board chair, and I cannot keep track.