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Grace Ginsburg


OP-ED: It Would Be Really Awesome If They Found a Vaccine

This pandemic has been pretty tough on everyone. For example, the other day I made soup and it took a long time. So frustrating! :/ 

Breaking: You Don’t Have to Go Home, but You Can’t Stay Here

This is a closing time reference! 

Crisis Averted: TSA Seized Grace’s Hummus in Airport Security

"This was a major security risk for Grace, her fellow passengers, and ultimately everyone in this airport. We had no choice but to destroy it," TSA Agent Richard Yu told UTB staff.

BREAKING: Penn Biden Center Endorses Bernie Sanders For President

“It ultimately came down to us endorsing a candidate we thought could stay awake during a Congressional hearing,” the Center wrote in a statement. “Mr. Biden isn’t senile… but he’s not not senile.” 

Writer’s Block Begone! Here Are 12 More Free Sentences You Can Plop Into Your Essay

Above all for existentialists like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, the death of God caused extreme anxiety in the hearts of Europeans.

Inside the Mask and Wig Pitch Room

The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production. 

Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class

We're going to take Locust today. It's going to be fine.

OP-ED: Oh, You’re in a Comedy Group! Boy Do I Have Some Ideas for You!

You know what’s also really funny sometimes? Penn jokes! Like about how Wharton students and how they love finance lol. That’s good comedy. Why do they love finance so much?

Ok Boomer! Mom Likes Those ‘Little Tik Tok Videos’

“I just really like those little Tik Tok videos!” Mrs. Bernstein claimed with her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose. 

Ok Boomer! Barack Obama Canceled Cancel Culture so He’s Canceled Now

Apparently, he said something about “the idea of purity and always [being] politically woke,” but all I heard was “BLAH BLAH I’M A BOOMER BLAH BLAH BLAH.”

OP-ED: My Costume Is Actually Really Funny, You Just Don’t Get the Reference

Listen! It’s SO fine that you don’t get it, because I have very particular taste in shows and other forms of popular media, and not everyone is like that! But I do want to make sure we are on the same page about one thing: this costume IS funny.

Career Services Tells Student to Take Karate off Resume, Gets Roundhouse Kicked to Face

“I have no regrets about my course of action,” Daniel told UTB. “I know my sensei would be really proud of me.” 

Revere Me! I Am That Person to Whom This Carrel Is Registered

If you could read, you would know this is reserved.

Penn Museum to Rebrand Itself as 'Interesting'

In an article earlier this month, the Daily Pennsylvanian reported that the renowned Penn Museum was “rebrand[ing] itself as a ‘gift to the city’ after recent renovations.”

Duality of Woman! Chloe Went to the Climate Strike but Doesn't Know How to Recycle

Chloe Jameson (E ’20) is one of many participants. You can find her sitting cross-legged in College Hall, demanding Penn’s divestment from oil, coal, and gas companies, chanting about the looming threat of sea-level rise. But, what if you ask her which bin to put a crumpled sheet of paper in? Expect a blank stare in return. 

Art Hoe Alert! Jenny Knows How to Use a Disposable Camera

Jenny decided to pick up a Fujifilm disposable to take cute pics of her friends drinking various types of spiked seltzer.

Sad: On Campus Rats Shocked to Learn OCR Isn’t About Them

After years of thinking that the University's infamous On Campus Recruiting program was a celebratory rat-pride week called "On Campus Rats," they recently learned the truth. 

Bubble Burst! Freshman Shocked to Learn That College Isn't Just Day Drinking and Interior Decoration

When they told me I was taking an engineering course, I thought that meant learning how to change the batteries in my string lights and setting up my Amazon Alexa.

BREAKING: Republican Congressman Claims "Hot Girl Summer" to Blame for Recent Heat Wave, Not Climate Change

"These women are literally setting the planet on fire with their confidence. Is this really a fire we want to put out?" 

Not Again! Getting in WilCaf Line at 10:59 Makes Sarah Late to Class Again

Why does it need to take A WHOLE MINUTE for me to order, pay, and receive my complicated espresso drink made with a mixture of non-dairy milks?!