Report: New UTB Staff Writer Patrick Rich Actually Very Cool, Nice 

Reports are coming in from several sources that Under the Button’s newest staff writer Patrick Rich (C '20 & W '20) is actually pretty nice and cool. Little is known about the enigmatic Rich, except that he’s cool, in addition to being nice. Sources contacting our reporters asked not to be identified but claimed to know Mr. Rich rather well. “He’s really nice,” they said. “And cool,” they often added. 

When asked to provide details, several informants confirmed that Patrick could often be seen looking cool while being nice to people around campus. “The thing about Patrick is that not only is he nice — he’s also really cool.” 

The writer in question could not be reached for comment.