Don’t get me wrong, he’s great at accounting. Or counting, at least.
Sinclair apparently believed that “James Jonathan’s” was the real name of the sandwich shop and that Jimmy John’s was simply “another of your preposterous American colloquialisms.”
I know that many of you will graduate from Penn and pursue career opportunities in the great metropolitan centers: your Toledos, your Fort Waynes, your Wichitas. But I implore you, my fellow Quakers- consider moving to humble New York City.
Your name’s not Michael Fassbender, dummy! Your name’s Eric!
Milton, who will purchase a cute little succulent and accidentally kill it within a week, reasoned that a plant would look good in his room and that he could definitely take care of it.
“I thought he was one of whatever our generation is, but there he goes, turning 22 like a fucking Boomer.”
Avid MexiCali fan and Wharton senior Connor Milliken was overheard today ordering lunch from the local food truck, and boy did he really lean into a Spanish pronunciation of “quesadilla.” Witnesses report that he did “some kind of accent,” which one onlooker described as “hard to place, but definitely not cool.”
This embarrassing correction was made in an emergency statement issued by the building manager, Jebediah Ham, late last night. Ham shared some passionate words with UTB reporters on the scene. “My father, Lawrence Wyatt Ham IV, did not construct this building with his own two hands for ungrateful college students to refer to it as ‘Hamilton Court.’ Us Hams are proud folk, and we simply will not tolerate this widespread misconception.”
Now that fall is officially upon us, that guy who wears the same Adidas hoodie every day can “finally start dressing.”
Listen, I know there’s coffee in it. I know that there’s something else because it’s not just regular coffee. I don’t know how it’s different from a cappuccino or why it seems to cost more. Do I need to know these things to order it everywhere I go? No!
Filson could be seen strutting around campus with a self-satisfied grin, offering to re-tell the joke.
Let’s just say she’s making different foods fuck.
Several informants confirmed that Patrick could often be seen looking cool while being nice to people around campus.
Seriously, name another law of murder. “Don’t murder”? “Stop murdering people”? “Murder is bad, don’t do it please”? They all boil down to the same thing, friend. I think you get where I’m going with this.