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Declan Fibonacci Brings Golden Ratio to Party


Photo (with edits) by drdcuddy / CC BY-SA 2.0, Alanbly / CC0, Stannered / CC0, Chiswick Chap / CC BY 3.0, geralt / CC0, NDV / CC0, Max Pixel / CC0, and Jacopo Werther / CC BY-SA 3.0

Math in action, anyone? Declan Fibonacci (C ‘22), a distant descendant of Middle Ages mathematician Leonardo Fibonacci, stunned partygoers last Friday with a surprise appearance.

“Do you even know who my ancestor is? Kind of a big deal,” Fibonacci said, standing at the house’s entrance.

Noticing the lack of female company, the bouncer smirked and gave his retort: “Okay, smartass. Why don’t you take a lap.”

It was at that very moment that something truly divine took place. With a swig of Natty Light, Fibonacci began to float toward the heavens above, the assent prompting an innumerable amount of mathematical symbols and formulae to fly out from his body. Spirals of golden light shot erratically from his palms, blinding any mortal unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity. From the sleeves of his collared shirt, Fibonacci produced streams of artichokes, pine cones, and broccoli, all of which began to pile up in front of the rickety frat house door.

From 30 feet above the ground, he turned to face the cowering bouncer.

“You wanted a ratio? Well, here it is!” Fibonacci exclaimed before a gigantic letter phi flew out of his mouth, embedding itself in the porch. “Seriously, just Wikipedia it.”

“Oh my god,” the frat bro mumbled, letting his can of Pabst Blue Ribbon fall to the floor. “Broccoli… sunflowers… the Parthenon… I see it now! It’s all clear to me… everything is connected! The universe is within my grasp!”

Eventually, Fibonacci was allowed inside, where he proceeded to get down like it was 1199.

“At least Declan knows how to party. Don’t even get me started on his friend Brayden Euler,” an anonymous source commented, rolling their eyes. “Pompous son-of-a-gun.”