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Grandparents Brag That Precious Jacob Is Eligible for Advanced Registration at Penn


Photo from Stannah International / CC BY 2.0

The grandparents of Jacob Fitzman (C ’23) gleamed with pride when their precious grandson informed them that he was currently participating in advanced registration for Spring classes. In only a matter of minutes, the entire Fitzman family had received calls to hear the news.

“We are so proud that Jacob has excelled enough to enter the advanced registration track,” Mr. and Mrs. Fitzman said. “He has always had a knack for registering.”

Fitzman plans to take MATH 104, ECON 001, a history class, and a writing seminar next semester. Despite currently failing his statistics class, his advisor is permitting him to take four credits.

Back in December, his grandparents jumped for joy when Fitzman announced he would be studying "undecided" at what they consider the best College of Arts & Sciences in the world. Now, they have even more to brag about. 

"Jacob puts shame to that bitch Geraldine's rotten grandchildren," his grandmother said, pulling a batch of warm cookies out of the oven. "He's even the founder, chairman, and chair-founder of his own club."