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After Months of Excavation, Penn Archaeologists Find Single Piece of Chicken in My Honeygrow Bowl


Photo by htomren / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

It’s been an eventful year for local archaeologists and chicken breast fanatic Rick Lee. After nearly four months of rigorous excavation, on-site digging, and other fancy archaeology stuff, Lee and his team of Penn archeologists found a single piece of chicken in my Honeygrow bowl.

“This was our toughest dig yet,” noted Lee, who has conducted decade-long digs in Oman, Iraq, and Mongolia. “First, we had to wait for the bowl, which took a couple of months. Then, we had to dig through hundreds of pounds of noodles, sauce, and vegetables in order to arrive at the smallest human-known trace of chicken.

This miraculous discovery has now put the Penn Archaeology department on the map! Reports indicate that they have been poached by the Bernie Sanders campaign to dig up dirt on Pete Buttigieg — not nearly as arduous a task as the Honeygrow endeavor, but one that will keep them relevant nonetheless.

We wish the best for these archaeologists in their future endeavors, as they strongly encourage all Penn students to “just go to Chipotle instead, Honeygrow honestly isn’t worth it.”