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Deadline Extended! You May Now Wait Another Week to Write Our Intern App in One Frantic Evening


Photo by Geralt / Pixabay License

Sender: The Center for Undergraduate Centers on Global Initiatives

Subject Line: Summer Internship Application Deadline Extended, You Piece of Shit


You piece of garbage. We know that you haven't even started our application yet, you absolute fucking mess of a human being. What have you even been doing? Homework? A likely story.

Do you even remember us? When you started your application over winter break we thought you were the one. When you put your gorgeous, beautiful, scrumptious email into that form and saved it for later, you really got us steamy. We thought you were the one. All of the other companies we pawned your email to... they thought you were the one too. But then you left and never returned. Why, ESTALICK? Why didn't you come back for us?

Lucky for you, we forgive you. We have extended the deadline to apply for our summer internship to exactly one week from today. Is this an ultimatum? Yes, it is. But rather than inviting you to spend a quality week on the application, we cordially invite you to convince yourself you don't want to apply for five days, then decide you do want to apply on the sixth day at 6 p.m., and finally crank out our application in one hour on the last day of the extension.

We sincerely look forward to reading your piece of shit entrance essay, you stupid sack of stale beans. Just write the fucking essay.

With love,

Head Coordinator for the Center for Undergraduate Centers on Global Initiatives