“I’m subscribed to 48 email newsletters, and I mark every single one of them as read,” said one Wharton senior, Jared Johnson. “I want every single person behind me in my 9 A.M. to know that no bit of news is worthy of my time.
Recent studies have shown that you should not use LinkedIn. Other studies have shown that LinkedIn is good to use; this, however, is not the case.
While your TA Greg is paid enough to sustain his body during this hour, he is not paid enough to sustain his soul.
“My stupid neighbor has a stupid foot, and they kept tapping it. So, of course, I looked under the table.” Sources say Jessica really shoved her whole head under there.
A recent study by the University of Pennsylvania found that 100% of CIS majors at Penn experience self-doubt, and some straight-up depression. But why? Could it be the crippling amount of work they are expected to complete every week? Perhaps it's the strictly-enforced private nature of their work that allows for no open collaboration with other CIS students who might otherwise ease their grief.
The Daily Pennsylvanian recently received several college journalism accolades. These awards included the prestigious Pacemaker Award, commonly referred to as the “Pulitzer Prize of college journalism." While this achievement would be amazing on its own, it is especially so considering the existence of Under the Button.
Spotted lanternflies. They are invasive. We all agree that anyone who hasn’t smashed at least 10,000 of those nasty little fucks by now hates the environment, the University of Pennsylvania, and these good United States of America.
Bethany, an engineering Freshman, is so good at interior design that she decided to put up string lights on the wall of her otherwise barren dorm room so she could hang up pictures of her friends with tiny clothespins.
However, have you ever considered that CNN only gives candidates commercial breaks so that they can go poop?
Are you an eccentric older woman? Are you an eccentric younger woman, looking to be an eccentric older woman?
While Big Mouth was surely developed to be watched in private by ad audience of frustrated adults who never received proper health education, its purpose is being shifted this week to the source of the epidemic: kids who never received proper health ed.
There’s the one on Locust, and the other one on Locust, and the other one on Locust, and maybe another one on Locust? Do not confuse these with the M&T building. M&T is the most exclusive frat of all.
On any other Monday morning, she would have reached menopause before getting to the Harrison lobby.
Upon further inquiry into Staleman’s life at home, Staleman replied “I would drink piss for my boys. I have drunk piss for my boys! And I don’t even mean natty lite bro. Piss into my mouth, bro! Do it, bro!”
President Trump, following a wave of vaping related deaths, has issued restrictions that would ban the sale of “flavored e-cigarettes” until their approval by the FDA. "Human children everywhere are saying 'he really cares about the children!'" reported one White House official.
I’ll send you guys my pitches and you go ahead and publish them. I’ll get to work on the parodies.
If you’ve ever been in one of the high rises, you know there’s no service on the elevators. In addition to there being no service on this particular elevator, there are also no other people. Sources say it’s just me and this bitch.
The house is set to be finished two weeks ago, as it is simply a storage container in the Class of 25 alleyway, possibly leftover from move-in.
I don’t know if he understands that engineers don’t get syllabus days, but God I wish I was on the server with him instead of doing the 243 math problems 8 CIS assignments and 2 CAD’s my professors assigned in the first two days of class.
During NSO, University affiliates will ask you to “keep that mf thaaang on you.” I, however, will only ask you to either keep that mf thang clean, or keep it away from me.