I might pop in three times a day to grab a banana from Commons. Lord knows nothing else there is edible.
Freshman eyewitness, Shawn Lane spoke to the contents of the card. “I was able to get a closer look. The details were something like…” Lane proceeded to draw the notecard on a piece of paper, which we have transcribed below.
The photographs of the Messier 87 black hole means a whole lot for astronomy, but what does it mean for me, as a Sagittarius?
Congratulations! You now possess the ability to make all of your native-speaking friends either sympathetic or uncomfortable.
"My dishes in the sink are hairy now.”
I told a bunch of freshman about it, and if they said no thanks, I just told them, “Oh no worries! Lot’s of people wait for their sophomore year to apply. It’s really no rush!”
Sure, we all know you're not supposed to compare yourself to others at such a competitive school, but what’s the fun in that? Here is a side by side comparison of you and the service dog from lecture.
Equipped with seven different highlighters, a multi-pen, two erasers, and a fleeting hope for success, she scribbled vigorously, but her professor had no mercy.
Penn researchers have found that a harsh 92 percent of Penn's greenhouse gas emissions are linked to Frontera consumption.
If she doesn’t offer to split the bill, I might just cry.
Mueller has taken since 2017 to write his report. People have set due dates for it time and time again since then, but has it been released? No. Take your time, girl. Honestly, who’s to say Mueller hasn’t been watching reruns of Friends, too?
You must be a freshman because you clearly don’t know who my daddy is. Can you even tell me, idiot? Seriously, bro, you don’t even know?
Philly is a city in need of a protector. And for the small, heavily guarded and heavily gentrified bubble that is Penn, Scoot Squad is up for the challenge.
Let’s be honest: when I’m in job interviews, I say I write for the Daily Pennsylvanian.
As of last week, Amazon pulled out of their HQ2 plans for Queens, closing off anticipated job opportunities for many. So, basically, as of last week, senior Whartonite Jeremy Anders’ life was ruined.
There you were, 100 feet away, nervously standing in the dappled sunlight of Locust Walk. Despite the freezing weather, your somehow still-sweaty hands clutched a stack of flyers: invitations to your beautiful soul.
I web scraped every UTB article ever written, stored them in a .txt, and fed them to my bot.
“Technically, the first amendment supports me in that...” no, Braden. Do not bring the first amendment into your pants. Just chill out.
I now save all of the homework for my seven classes for the night it's due! And when I can't finish it all in 45 minutes, I tell myself it's because I'm naturally bad at math, and I will never be as good as the other engineers!
The similarities between these TikTok ads and street harassment always make me reach for my keys… and, as a freshman, I don’t even own keys anymore. How am I supposed to feel safe holding a Penncard between my knuckles?