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OP-ED: Wouldn’t It Have Really Sucked If Jeffrey Epstein Graduated From Penn?


Photo by Coastal Elite / CC BY-SA 2.0

Jeffrey Epstein, the Wall Street financier at the heart of a pedophilic locus of global wealth and power, did not graduate from Penn. He most definitely did not build his network of power-brokers and connected individuals, all having this shared perversion, within the confines of this institution. Period. But, like, he definitely could have. It’s not like this place doesn’t already have an abundance of morally questionable, wealthy individuals both currently attending and having graduated. 

For legal reasons, I’m not saying this actually happened. The last thing I’d want to do is slander the university that I’m so very proud to attend. But, in the broad scheme of things, Penn has had some seriously questionable alumni. Case in point, the 46th President of the United States of America: Donald Trump.

Or that Wharton MBA alumni charged with a $1 billion fraud scheme. 

Or Jho Low, discovered to have been engaging in financial laundering in Malaysia. 

Need I continue? 

The pathological pursuit of wealth and power, having bestowed upon us such amazing things like AirPods and extreme poverty, should be encouraged by a school shaping the minds of the next generation of global leaders. Sure, Trump et al. may have done some shitty things, but at least they haven’t stooped to pedophilia (as far as we know).