An unparalleled aesthete, catty bitch, and gossip, Trump brought his gay flavor to the decidedly heterosexual logic of American politics.
Few words can comfort, but take solace in the fact that you were kind of a loser anyway.
Next spring, for example, the women of Penn’s undergraduate body may have the opportunity to take “Psychology for Girls,” providing a comprehensive overview of topics ranging from “how to get boys to like me” to “hysteria.”
These new features will include a higher mortality rate, a higher chance of transmission, and connectivity to state-of-the-art 5G telecom networks.
How can you ensure a victory for this country’s soul? Get your vote to count twice! Here are some quick and easy tricks to do just that.
To those who insist religion is obsolete, I have one simple response: if our world is not subject to divine enchantment, then who’s been caressing my body every night around midnight?
3. Distribute poppers to the poll workers to demonstrate your appreciation for the LGBTQ+ guardians of civil liberty.
Over the past few years, Mrs. Kardashian West has shown a keen interest in matters relating to jurisprudence and legal philosophy.
The sleek metal, cold to the touch and coursing with Apollonian energy, feels alien to the gays and girls’ empathetic faculties. Some are also just simply “too hot” to reduce themselves to using technology on a consistent basis.
TAKE THIS TIME TO COME CLOSER HIM, TO FIND HIS SALVATION.
Polygamy, the hottest new trend among the twenty-somethings that populate Bushwick’s dive bars, has been an unexpected victim of the coronavirus.
Breathe easy and rest even easier at night because no one is going to doubt your radical politics anymore.
Worried about the psychic implications of your style? Well, you should be! Here are four other shoes to avoid if you want to keep your inner fragility discreet.
While there still remains some confusion surrounding Buttigieg’s motives, analysts have suggested that his behavior might stem from a crisis of confidence caused by his rat-like demeanor.
Although scientists are unclear about the exact causal relationship that exists between the two, the data does seem to suggest that there is a clear connection between the consumption of soy milk and the adoption of “homosexual tendencies.”
There’s nothing quite like being hit with the smell of a freshly lit cigarette as you exit the library fresh from an all-nighter, probably being smoked by someone speaking a language you don’t understand.
Packaged as part of a broader initiative aimed at deepening ties between the Pentagon and Google, campus recruiters are seeking to appeal to Penn students’ sense of patriotic duty, unaware they have none.
But, in the broad scheme of things, Penn has had some seriously questionable alumni. Case in point, the 46th President of the United States of America: Donald Trump.
The day I stumble upon $1000 in my Venmo balance is the day I decide to wholly commit myself to making Andrew Yang the President of these United States.
In a school often singularly focused on chasing prestigious internships and post-graduate job offers, a club providing an avenue for students to let loose with some harmless fun is definitely a breath of fresh air.