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The Only Answer For This Divisive Political Climate? Jeb!


Photo by Gage Skidmore/ CC BY-SA 2.0

Whether you are on the right or left, we can all agree that the political climate right now is toxic. The liberals hate the democrats, the democrats hate the liberals, and my grandma just wants everyone to get along. There’s no room for discourse anymore.

In order to get out of this pickle, we need someone that is so bland both sides would barely notice he’s even there. We need someone that so severely lacks personality that they couldn’t say something controversial if they tried. That’s right America – we need Jeb!

We tried Trump’s mama bear politics, and people are too scared for Bernie’s papa bear sensibilities, so it’s time to settle right in the middle and get cozy with baby bear Jeb. His bed is soft, his porridge is lukewarm at best, and he’s ready to lull this country to sleep. The most enthusiastic thing about this guy is his slogan. He’s exactly what we need.  

There's no challenge too large for Jeb's small and kind of clammy hands. So if you think Trump is making things worse, and you are simply too afraid of change to vote for Bernie, this is your guy. Under Jeb, things will basically stay the same, getting marginally worse and worse over time. 

If you still feel like Jeb has too much flair you can also for vote for Pete Buttigieg, basically Jeb 2.0. (This time with less emotion!)