Graduation Can Be In Person, But Everyone Must Be In Giant Hamster Balls
March 30, 2020 at 1:39 pm
Good news! Amy Gutman's office has decided that commencement will be held in person. One small caveat: every attendee must be inside of a giant hamster ball so no one comes in contact with one another. Most human-sized hamster balls have a 2-meter diameter, so you'll always be following CDC guidelines!
While many college seniors weren't a huge fan of having to graduate inside of an "inflatable prison," there are many pros to this alternative method of graduation. First, the journey across the graduation stage is long. Do you sort of jog up to get your diploma, and then stride across? The hamster ball completely alleviates any pace-related concerns. Now, you can just roll up to Amy G, give her a wink, and be on your way. Second, everyone always wants creative grad photos. Well here's your chance! First, no one has celebrated one of the most important days of their lives inside of a human hamster ball, so you'll be a trendsetter. Second, since you're in a giant hamster ball, everyone can see your outfit, but it can never get dirty. Two birds, one stone, my friends. The only problem you might encounter is when you try to throw your cap. But hey, we all have to compromise here.
In trying times like these, we need a big, bold solution. And you can buy yours here for the low price of $399!