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Report: Yup, Bedroom Ceiling Still Looks the Same


Photo by Ian Ong / The Daily Pennsylvanian

How observant! This morning, you verified that, indeed, your bedroom ceiling looks like how it’s always looked.

Yup. Exactly the same. No differences here. Same color too. Oh, wait... is that crack new? No, that’s been there since middle school. Right, right.

A group of Penn researchers weighed in to confirm your findings.

“They’ve been lying there ever since they woke up, gazing at that sloppy, unchanging beige paint job,” one researcher commented, noting your slightly agape jaw. “Don’t they have anything better to do?”

Admittedly, there has been some dissent within the scientific community.

“The notion that they haven’t been doing anything but staring into the perpetual void above is simply untrue,” another researcher shot back. “They’ve checked Instagram a couple of times, too.”

Surprisingly enough, you also found yourself lacking the energy to sit up, exit your room, and make breakfast.

“God... is it past lunchtime already...?” you reportedly said, rubbing your eyes and peering over at the alarm clock. “There’s something off with the feng shui in this room, I swear...”