Has COVID Gone Too Far? Trevor Forced to Wear His "Left at Home" Shirts
Photo from the Public Domain
April 16, 2020 at 1:31 pm
The global death toll for COVID-19 sored over 130 thousand this week. Many local sources, however, claim that this number is too low. Trevor Spearman, an undeclared sophomore, hasn't done laundry since school went virtual, as he refuses to walk to the basement of his four-story home in the Philly suburbs. He reports that "while COVID has physically killed over 110,000 thousand, it is responsible for the spiritual death of thousands more." This week, Spearman was forced to wear his "left-at-home" clothing.
It became clear over videoconferencing that Spearman was truly struggling. He donned a black t-shirt. The word "SENIORS" was emblazoned on the front in the style of the Supreme logo. A truly horrifying sight. Spearman reportedly designed the shirt himself at the height of his artistic career: his Junior year in high school.
"Of course the design of this one is flawless," explained Spearman. "The tragedy is that there's a stain on it." Spearman pointed to the collar of the solid black shirt. "See? I spilled ketchup right there." No stain could be seen, but interviewers nodded politely to prevent Spearman from bringing the shirt back to Penn, where the disease that is the knock-off Supreme logo would likely spread.
Spearman had gathered several of his other shirts for displaying over Zoom. "I just want you guys to know how bad it is out here on the front lines." Indeed, one shirt asked the viewer to "find x" in the style of an algebra problem, while simultaneously circling the letter "x" in red.
"This one is a subtle yet ironic mockery of mathematics," explained Spearman, smiling through the pain of having forgotten everything he ever learned in any math class ever. "I would wear this one, but it's too small." Spearman puffed out his chest and clenched his head between his shoulders. "You may have noticed that I've actually really bulked up in college." Unfortunately, our interview with Spearman was cut short when his mom knocked on his door to ask if he wanted any snacks.
Spearman's condition is a tragedy, but it is not an anomaly. Believe it or not, there are thousands of upper-middle-class college kids in just the United States alone who are struggling to cope with the emotional death that is having to do their own laundry for once. While these individuals are legally adults, they are spiritually babie. While the "statistics" don't report it, babie spirits are dying across the world. We must not forget.