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Makes Sense! Celebrate Veterans with PTSD by Lighting Off Explosives


Photo by  Designecologist / CC0

Americans spend more than 1 billion dollars every year on Fourth of July fireworks. Considering that the Department of Veterans Affairs Spends 180 billion on veterans every year, the United States spends about twice as much on explosives on the Fourth of July than they do on veterans' affairs. Patriotism at its finest!

Under the Button spoke with one local patriot, Dale Stevenson. "A big part of the Fourth of July is celebrating the brave men and women who fight for our country." Stevenson runs a local firework shop that definitely does not smuggle fireworks into Pennsylvania from other states. So don't *wink* go to his shop if you want super cool, awesome, epic fireworks for cheap, possibly legal prices. Stevenson stated, "If there's one thing people who come back from war love, its explosives. Why do you think they wanted to go to war in the first place?" UTB fact-checkers determined that this statement "definitely checks out."

One mayor, Trisha Amarello, stated her enthusiasm at her city's plan to have a firework display this year. "Many Veterans suffer from PTSD. Veterans are also more likely to be older Americans, and COVID-19 affects old people more than young people. This year, the hardships for veterans are greater than ever. It only makes sense that we commemorate those hardships by gathering together in a dense crowd to scream on each other and light off loud, flashing explosives for hours at a time."

Penn Junior, Alex Waltin, was willing to provide a history lesson for our interviewers. "When Ben Franklin wrote the Declaration of Independence, he meant for us to have fireworks." Waltin, currently living in Lancaster PA, was incredibly drunk and incredibly confused about how he got back to campus. "Honestly, if we burned down campus with fireworks, no one would know until at least next Spring. Come on. Just do it for the troops."