Penn Administration Cancels Semester After Learning Coronavirus Still Actually Exists

In a move that surprised almost no one, Penn has officially cancelled the Fall 2020 semester. The decision reportedly comes after Amy Gutmann watched the news and learned that the coronavirus hadn't just "sorta gone away."  

"I was shocked," said Gutmann. "I turned on CNN and saw Cuomo doing a coronavirus briefing and was just like, 'Wait, that's still happening? You're kidding!'" Needless to say, after the rest of Penn's administration was informed, they had no other choice but to cancel fall semester for the health and safety of the students and faculty. 

"We only made all those decisions about hybrid learning and housing because schools like Harvard did, and they're so cool," gushed Gutmann. "We thought it was just for show, not like, based in science." 

On the bright side, Penn administration is reportedly working on finding ways to improve the online learning experience using the tuition money students already paid.