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Study Shows Boyfriend Really Good at Using Computers


Photo by StartupStockPhotos / CC0


As Penn students become increasingly acclimated to attending school through Zoom, many have raised concerns about continually interfacing with a masculine piece of technology: the computer. Gays and girls everywhere have expressed intense frustration, citing decreased productivity and loss of joie de vivre. The sleek metal, cold to the touch and coursing with Apollonian energy, feels alien to the gays and girls’ empathetic faculties. Some are also just simply “too hot” to reduce themselves to using technology on a consistent basis.  

However, new developments have revealed a possible solution to this ever-worsening problem. A new study conducted by Penn researchers has shown “boyfriends are better equipped to handle to the trials and tribulations of using computers.” Cuffing season is in full bloom, meaning there is ample opportunity for those affected by this issue to partner up and acquire a part-time computing assistant.

The study also demonstrated that individuals with boyfriends found more time to engage in activities they felt were more meaningful, such as taking selfies and online shopping. Boyfriends were all too happy to help out with basic tasks that require a computer, like torrenting illegal software or sending e-mails. For those afflicted, fret no longer! Your days of endless poetry reading and exploring the ineffable trauma inherent to feminine identity will return once again.