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5 Trader Joes Products That Will Briefly Curb Feelings Of Impending Doom


Photo by the Daily Pennsylvanian

Hey! You! Yeah, you. You seem pretty down. I get it--things are really stressful. So, to help out, I compiled a list of the very best Trader Joe's autumnal products that will curb your feelings of impending doom. 

1. Pumpkin Bisque


Do you often feel stressed about the existential threat of climate change? Do you find yourself pondering the fact that we have about seven years left before climate catastrophe? Then you should indulge in some of this delicious pasta! Heat in your oven and you're good to go! 

2. Pumpkin Ice Cream


Does the economic and health implications of the coronavirus pandemic keep you up at night? Does even the slightest cough send you into a panic? Then treat yourself to some of this world-class pumpkin ice cream! 

3. Salted Caramel Hot Cocoa 


Are you worried about the 2020 election? Do you feel a sense of hopelessness because even if Biden is elected, his policies won't be progressive enough? Then sit back and sip this delectable hot cocoa! It will soothe any electoral anxiety. 

4. Maple Leaf Cookies 


Are you discouraged with the systemic inequality that plagues our country? Does it immensely frustrate you that racism, sexism and homophobia are still alive and well--and there will probably be a Supreme Court Justice that strips vulnerable communities of their rights? Well, enjoy some dainty and delectable cookies--they come in fun shapes! 

5. Pumpkin Pancake & Waffle Mix


Is online school driving you insane? Are you unable to focus for more than five minutes and can't keep track of all your assignments and basically feel like this entire semester was a complete waste of time and you're learning absolutely nothing and getting constant headaches from being on your laptop for so long and feel no motivation whatsoever? Well then you're gonna love this pumpkin pancake & waffle mix! Versatile and gourmet, this will certainly get your mind off of how meaningless everything is! 

Hope this helps! Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go eat some butternut squash mac & cheese while I cry over the fact I have no idea what I want to major in.