Are You More of a Lanternfly or a Penn Vet Dog?
Foto by Meresa García / The Daily Pennsylvanian
October 20, 2020 at 4:17 am
1. Do your friends think you're a fucking nuisance and try to step on you every chance they get?
A: I'm in Wharton … so yeah.
B: Of course not! All my friends should be grateful that they even get birthday posts from me.
C: Oh they try, but I manage to fly away with my half damaged wings.
D: What friends?
2. Maybe you're not annoying, but are you a fucking narc who snitches on everybody?
A: Ever since my hall monitor days, I have believed that every civilized person should abide by the just laws put forth by our just government.
B: Dude no way. No one is ever going to call me a fucking narc. I'm not here to help out the po po.
C: Snitches get stitches, beyotch!
D: Again, I have nobody, so who would I, like, tattle on?
3. Are you so super fertile that you lay egg masses containing 50 of your disgusting, humanity destroying offspring?
A: Bruh, I'm doing that right now.
B: Nah, dawg, I eat those little shits for breakfast!
C: Obvi! How else would I accomplish my plan for world domination?
D: Wait, what's this quiz for again?
4. Are you a little bitch whose sad life amounts to scouting out insect babies?
A: No, way José! Get those frickin uggos as far away from me as possible!!
B: If it gets me a treat at the end of the day, then why not?
C: They told me if I did what they asked me to do, I would have a higher chance of being adopted.
D: Well, you got the little bitch part right.
5. Do you cause massive panic whenever you land on someone's shoulder?
A: That's my favorite part–seeing the sheer terror enter your pathetic human eyes as I cling onto your sweater.
B: Sadly, all people want to do is put their covid infected hands all over my luscious fur.
C: I can't think of a better way to spend my time than watching you fail at swatting me away. You can't escape me!
D: I wish I had a shoulder to lean on.