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Supreme Court Rules Pro-Life: Officially Mandates Masks


On October 26th, 2020, Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed to the Supreme Court. The conservative judges on the Supreme Court have a strong foothold, hoping to rule on topics such as immigration, LGTBQ+ rights, and abortion. With the addition of Judge Barrett, the Court is expected to declare the constitutionality of a nationwide mask mandate to secure a pro-life agenda.

On the docket of cases to be heard is Safety v. Stupidity, a case between Stacy Stupidity, a frequent customer at Dan Safety’s pizzeria in Lakewood, Colorado, and Dan Safety, the owner of the pizza shop. The hostess asked Stacy to wear a mask in the restaurant. Upon hearing this request, Stacy began screaming about how they were encroaching on her right to choose, leading the restaurant-goers in a series of chants: 

“What do we want? CHOICE! When do we want it? ALWAYS!”

“They say no-choice We say PRO-CHOICE!” 


“C'mon c'mon and join the fight: Not wearing masks is a human right!”

The restaurant owner, Dan Safety, then politely asked her to leave the restaurant. Stacy has now filed a multi-million dollar suit against Dan’s pizzeria. 

Judge Barrett and her colleagues believe that no one, especially a woman like Stacy, should have a say when it comes to their bodies. The conservative Justices argue that they are against the immoral murder of human-beings (unless you are an immigrant or a woman or LGBT+ or have disabilities or are Latinx or are Black or are indigenous). So, if a fetus is considered a full human, then perhaps it only makes sense that our national policy should center around keeping actual humans healthy and safe.