BREAKING: Trump and Biden Put Aside Differences, Agree Bulbasaur Best Starter Pokémon
October 23, 2020 at 10:38 am
Gaming win! In a show of unity, Donald Trump and Joe Biden have both come out and endorsed Bulbasaur as Pokémon supreme. This stunning revelation occurred after Chris Wallace finally posed the question on everyone’s minds:
“President Trump, Mr. Joe Biden, the American people in the recent days have been asking and they deserve to receive an answer. If you were to guide the country from the highest office in the land, which Pokémon starter would you choose to be by your side?”
“Everyone’s saying it, folks — Bulbasaur is the best Pokémon,” Trump said, addressing the nation, pokéball in hand. “Great stats, great moveset — the greatest, believe me. Bulbasaur is the only option for winners, and I am a winner. It’s as simple as that, folks.”
“Now, there’s a lot the president and I disagree about, but here’s the deal: Bulbasaur is the American choice,” Biden said, looking directly into the camera. “There’s nothing like a good vine whip — waCHOW! Follow it up with the stun spore and leech seed combo, and you’ve got the recipe for an American success story…”
In an era marked by political polarization, the move has enjoyed an unusual amount of bipartisan approval.
“Finally, politicians are addressing the core issue which looms over our nation: Charmander, Squirtle, or Bulbasaur,” law professor Charlene Dyson declared. “I am glad that our leaders chose right tonight.”
Of course, that is not to say that everyone is pleased with what the political front-runners had to say.
“What? Bulbasaur?! That brussel-sprout-looking ass?!” fumed a Penn sophomore after hearing the news. “Screw this, I’m voting for someone who is willing to endorse Charmander — like Kanye West!”
During the next presidential debate, which will be broadcast live from Vermillion City, the candidates will get a chance to weigh in on another hot-button topic: their plan for dealing with Team Magma, Team Aqua, and other dangerous radical groups. Stay tuned.