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Quiz: Which White Septuagenarian Kindergartener Are You?


Graphic by Pamela De La Cruz / The Daily Pennsylvanian Photos (with edits) by munsecconf / CC BY-NC SA 2.0, JonMartinTravelPhotography / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0


1. How fucking stupid are you?

A: No, you're fucking stupid.
B: I cheated to get into Wharton.
C: Shut up, man.
D: All my friends are cabbage patch dolls.

2. Does your son, Hunter Biden, have a cocaine addiction?

A: I am Hunter Biden.
B: I'm proud of my son.
C: My son's not a loser or a sucker.
D: No, my son does heroin.

3.How are you voting this election cycle?

A: In person, you commie.
B: Via mail, because I care about human lives.
C: I'm going to watch the polls and make sure they're safe.
D: There's an election?

4.Do you wear a mask?

A: Yes, but only below the nose.
B: Does my KKK cloak count?
C: I don't need one in my nuclear bunker.
D: I have the FREEDOM to CHOOSE.

5. Can you finish?

A: I have the largest hands you've ever seen.
B: You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised.
C: I don't think YOU can finish.
D: With your mom last night, BITCH.

6. Are you willing to condemn white supremacists?

A: What about ANTIFA?
B: There's blame on both sides.
C: I'm prepared to do that.
D: … who would you like me to condemn? All of white America?