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Why Runescape Is Better Than Sex


Photo by Jan Kaláb / CC BY-SA 2.0  

Many complain that quarantine has been horrible— the lack of human contact for days on end, constant social anxiety whenever you leave the house, and hours in front of a computer screen. Yes, quarantine can be hard if you’re not used to it, but you’re thinking about it the wrong way. Don’t think of yourself as an incel watching Zoom lectures, think of yourself as a monk dedicating your life to the one true cause—  Runescape.

Like Jesus walking into the desert or the Buddha giving up his princely life, you my friend, are on a spiritual journey. When you don’t have sex, it’s not sad—  its a sacrifice. When you don’t see friends, it’s not antisocial— it's removing yourself from material temptations. Becoming a high level Runescape character is not the easy path, but the righteous one. 

Sex can you bring happiness, but it can’t make you happy. Runescape, on the other hand, offers pain, but satisfaction. Sex lasts only moments, but that feeling of upgrading your wood cutting skills lasts forever. Can the highs and lows of sex truly compete with the divine feeling of selling on the Grand Exchange or the feeling of exploration when you take your first step into the Wilderness Zone?

As a college student, I know all too well that worldly temptations can be all too tempting. For most they will return to partying, drugs, and sex as soon as quarantine ends, but please, before you do: just think about Runescape.