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Choose Your Own Adventure: Can You Make it to the Band Room with Enough Time Left To Cry and Listen to ‘How to Save A Life’ by The Fray?


Photos (with edits) by John Phelan / CC BY-SA 3.0 and Lunchbox LP / CC BY 2.0

The year is 2016, and it’s been another crummy day at Glendale High School.

You’ve just finished a nourishing lunch of meatloaf and pizza, so you put your tray up and get ready for 6th period. But just as you make your way to the cafeteria exit, something happens that would irreversibly change the course of your school day.

An imposing figure stands in your way, his muscular arms extending across the doorframe. He is positively sculpted.

“Oh no,” you think to yourself. “It’s Thad.”

“What’s up, nerd?” Thad jeers, flexing his sizeable, juicy biceps. “Guess what? Your hairstyle… is lame!”

At this point, Thad erupts into uproarious laughter, filling up the entire room. Everyone turns to see you, the object of his ridicule. The embarrassment is simply too much for you to bear. You need an escape.

That’s when it hits you: the band room! A safe haven in the vicious hell that is high school! You need to get there, and quick — before you start bawling your eyes out in front of the 9th graders.


Slide under Thad’s legs and make a run for it.

Turn around and hightail it for the courtyard.