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Joe Biden Doesn't See Red States and Blue States. He Sees a One State Solution


Photos by Wikimedia Commons and Needpix.com with edits by Becky Weisberg // CC 3.0

Joe Biden has promised the U.S.A that he will be a president for all Americans. Instead of furthering either the Democratic or Republican party agendas, he’s just gonna sit on his cute, wrinkly little ass for four years and relish in the praise he receives for not being Donald Trump. In this way, he will epitomize the American Dream: complacency and Ruffles potato chips with a martini on the side.

Anyone who has heard Biden speak, read his quotations of his speeches, had a friend imitate his speech pattern, engaged in any way with social media, or lived on the face of this planet knows that Biden has some key phrases he likes to throw around. He references the “soul of America”, which, if he had to guess, is probably Christian. He tells us to stop “treating our opponents as enemies”, even when they like One Direction more than Harry Styles’ solo career.

And last, but certainly not least, he consistently tells the public that he doesn’t “see red states and blue states.” After refuting claims made by Twitter-ers that he has gone color-blind from old age, Biden has assured Americans that what he means by this statement is that he “doesn’t wish to further the division between the Northeast, the rest of the states, and Nevada” and rather “envisions a one-state solution.”

Following this proclamation, multiple sources have asked Biden about his feelings on the Israeli-Palestinain conflict. To these questions, Biden has famously responded: “Palestinians have to learn to stop viewing their opponents as enemies”, “I love Hamas! I put it on my falafel all the time” and, “Israel? What’s that?”

To conclude his remarks, Biden commented “Silly me, I didn’t realize that I was borrowing the term ‘one state solution’. However, I really do love the ring of it. What a lovely way to express peace and happiness for everyone!”