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Becky Weisberg


REPORT: Zoom A Capella Impossible and Also Unnecessary

After UTB reviewed a Shabbatones concert back in 2016, our staff figured that a Capella truly couldn't get any worse. However, following some unprecedented times back in March, it did.

BREAKING: ‘Right Outside of Philly’ Actually Encompasses the Entire World

One must understand that moving right, for long enough, really just takes you back to where you started. This realization naturally leads to the conclusion that all of the globe's latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates can be included in 'right outside of Philly.'

OP-ED: I Literally Would Have Cured Coronavirus by Now if My Lectures Actually Ended on Time

We could meal prep for the week, attend ten 60-second lectures, or take a really good shit - if only our professors actually respected our time.

Meal Prep! 10 Ways to Roast Your Veggies

Mushrooms, the only way youu2019ll ever get laid is to crawl up a chickenu2019s ass and wait.

A Double Negative Makes a Positive: How Math 170 Diagnosed Me With Coronavirus

I...II... - two negative tests. I counted again with tally marks to make sure. |...||... - two negative tests. I had coronavirus.

4 Pictures of Expired Milk That Will Make You Say 'That's Not Expired Milk. That's DNC Presidential Nominee, Joe Biden'

This picture might look like expired milk, but what I imagine this picture smells like and what I imagine Joe Biden smells like are exactly the same. 

OP-ED: Replace the Terms 'Synchronous' and 'Asynchronous' With 'Fuck' and 'Fuck Me in the Ass', Respectively

It’s time to wake up, smell the roses, and call it as we see it. “Synchronous” and “Asynchronous” must be replaced with “Fuck” and “Fuck Me In The Ass.”