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UTB Investigates Emily, Not Even In Paris


Photo by Megan Striff-Cave

Breaking news: Emily, from the hit Netflix program "Emily in Paris," has been reported to no longer be in Paris. The UTB investigative team has spotted her in her home city, Chicago, running along the river in a puffy jacket despite it being 65 degrees out. 

Viewers are reported to have felt betrayed by Emily's abrupt relocation. "I thought it was the city of her dreams," says Maya Cantwell (N '24), who watched the entire program in less that 48 hours. "I just can't believe she left just like that. What's the show gonna be called now? Just Emily?" 

Others said they feel relieved she decided to leave. "It was pretty clear everyone pretty much fucking hated her," said one anonymous viewer. "It was those goddamn outfits." The editor of the WALK magazine at Penn seconded this opinion, saying "Our stylists have unanimously decided that 80% of Emily's fashion decisions were truly horrendous."

Friends and family of Emily said she is taking time away from the City of Lights to focus on herself and having sex with people's brothers. 

But of course, Emily's departure begs the question: that's Emily without Paris? Or really, what's Paris without Emily?