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New Off-Campus Sorority Members Begin Pledging By Being Forced To Stay Inside For 2 Weeks


Photo by fizkes // CC By 2.0

It seems like every single year there is a new cruel and unusual punishment that our brothers and sisters here at Penn have to endure during their initiation into a lifelong bond of.... tailgating and brunch dates. Because nothing says brotherhood and sisterhood like being hazed, publicly humiliated, having to go through rituals, and more! From swallowing goldfish to getting paddled; from going hours without sleep to waking up in some odd place; from binge drinking to being forced into degrading tasks. Obviously, giving hundreds of dollars to make friends isn’t enough… as you now must earn it.

Some punishments are secret (shhh) and some are out in the open! Some are old-fashioned, while others are new, hip, ~different~, and a sign of the times (lookin’ at you, Harry). This year, to fit with the present, some sororities’ pledges are being punished with some coronavirus themes! UTB’s sources report that some freshman pledges are being brutally forced to... stay inside for 2 weeks! Yes, that’s right. One of Penn’s favorite tree-inspired sororities, Maples, is apparently trying something unique this year! 

After a huge and rad frat celebration, it seemed only right for the next step of initiation to be two weeks in the confines of their homes, mercilessly being forced to finish homework and binge TV shows. Maples president, Maide Upnaim, told UTB all about their experiment: “This idea of a two-week quarantine for pledging was TOTALLY our idea and nobody else's. I mean, what else says sisterhood like good old-fashioned isolation from the world? We need to instill some loneliness into our pledges… because that’s what it’s like to not be in a sorority. Fucking losers.” 

There was no word as to if the two-week isolation ‘punishment’ had anything to do with pledges catching the coronavirus from partying. Connecting the dots is not what we do best here at UTB, but what we do best is making somewhat subtle satire after watching viral videos.