Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Yup, I Counted: There Are Exactly 1283 Smears in This Tile


Photo By Darrion Chen / The Daily Pennsylvanian

 Instead of focusing on lectures, I have decided to focus on atrocious floor tiles in my high rise room. After staring at the floor during my lecture, I have concluded that there are 1283 smears on the floor.

But I have to concede that there actually might be fewer smears than counted. I might’ve accidentally counted some of my own hairs. Or my suitemates’. Or some rat that ran across my floor.

When they were putting flooring into the building, someone decided that it would be a good idea to install tiles with a bunch of hair-like ticks. This way, you can never really tell if the floor is dirty. Is that hair on the ground? Or is it just a pre-installed hair? I can’t tell, I’m bat-eyed after all these online classes. I’m just going to hope that it’s part of the floor. If I always think that it’s part of the floor then I’ll never need to vacuum or sweep. 

Imagine buying pre-shitted underwear. Wouldn't that be convenient? You could never tell if your underwear is actually shitted, or just pre-shitted. And you would never have to wash your underwear because you could always make yourself think that it was just the pre-shit on your underwear. I bet you that was the thought process of the guy who chose these floor tiles for the high rises.