I miss the days when I could get a $5 halal before going to class and licking all the tables, chairs, doorknobs, and power outlets.

Sure, ghosts, zombies and vampires are scary, but wouldn’t we rather face poltergeists and the undead than face loneliness, ostracization, apathy, and disappointed parents? 

 I am “your cousin Kevin” now, bitch.  

Pour liquid nitrogen onto your feet. Your feet are no longer wet, since they are now solid.

 Now that we are all away from home, our Asian parents can no longer express their repressed love for us by bringing us a plate cut fruit after a lengthy and heated argument about affirmative action. 

“Path@Penn is truly uncharted territory”, says academic advisor Moma. “I am very proud that Penn students are approaching the danger and unknown of Path@Penn dauntlessly. The students who have perished while pushing the frontiers of Path@Penn will not have died in vain."

Contrary to 19th-century thought, your parents’ income is no longer a personality trait, virtue, or attraction.  

 The dining hall is not the only organization on campus to have offered donations to Ukraine. PennCAPS has offered to donate its counseling services, but Ukraine has rejected the offer, citing poor quality of the program.  

 I thought to myself, I really am just like the coyote. I spend so much time and effort trying to catch this fast blue bird, which is metaphorical to some higher unspecified goal. But all that amounts to is just repeatedly dropping an anvil on my head. 

You realize that this small incident is indicative and a parallel to your life as a whole: you can work intensely and diligently to build yourself and your ideas, but if you don't fit one of the prescribed outlines, you are considered wrong.  

 “These students think I can’t understand them,” said Fluffy. “But I can understand everything. All the things they tell me, they hurt me. I never knew the world was such a horrible and cruel place. And I don’t understand why I have to bear the psychological burden of the cruel human world. Now I can never sleep at night.” 

You used to be talking to just one person at a time? Now try 5, 10, even 20. Due to the definition of BFS dating, you’d be arriving at the same bases with all 20 of your people roughly around the same time, so that may be confusing.  

In the expansive world of fluid dynamics, fluid flow can occasionally be idealized by Bernoulli's Equation, which states p + 0.5(ρV^2) + ρgh = c.

Are you tired of the musty smell of your Quad room, where the ceiling could cave in at any moment due to the happy little colonies of mold slowly consuming the ceiling like how time slowly consumes your life? 

“Now that they see that my Crayon-eating brain can’t even spell the state correctly, I’ll never be able to sell my soul to dream companies like McKinsey, Bain, and Boston Conslutting Group.”

Chan had spent the night unbolting all tables and chairs from the floor, hoisting them up, and rebolting them to the ceiling. u00a0

Why is there a massive gap between the refrigerator and the back wall that is the perfect size of a lasagna? 

Why is there a massive gap between the refrigerator and the back wall that is the perfect size of a lasagna? 

Penn, please do better. I don’t want to go over the balcony and turn myself into a pile of hairy strawberry ice cream. Especially in Fisher-Bennett Hall.  

 “Oh no, not this cunt again.”