“I think this microdosing idea is really good,” said Engineering junior Ower Worked. “It’s like how, instead of getting 9 hours of continuous sleep each night, I take 540 one-minute naps throughout the day.”  

“By signing such a staunchly medieval declaration with authoritarian regimes, the United States itself is becoming a shithole country,” said Pompeo. “And now that we are a shithole country, people from other shithole countries won't want to immigrate here anymore. The plan is flawless.”  

 After Thanksgiving where the whites celebrate the spreading of smallpox to the indigenous population of North America and giving thanks to God for letting them slaughter and enslave, the whites deserve to celebrate by buying a huge discounted TV that they can eat their unseasoned microwave dinners in front of.  

“It’s important to put political differences aside in times of grave crisis like this,” said Lindsey Graham.

Have you shitted while in writing seminar?

 “The country has become too charged and too polarized, and we must dissipate all the energy. We must also work to regain positive flux in terms of trade and economics. We also cannot be alternating between red and blue. We must be direct. Directly American”. 

 Not expecting riots as a result of the election, businesses have chosen to not board up their windows, continuing the unbroken legacy of businesses not needing to board up their windows for an election.  

Their amazing performance of pro-life but anti-mask advocacy earned the US team a spot in the finals against the North Korean team, notoriously nicknamed “The Iron Kims”. 

“First, I will mail my ballot for my good friend Donald Trump to Pennsylvania,” said Putin. “And then after that, I will also mail my ballot for Florida, Iowa, Ohio, Georgia, North Carolina, Arizona, Michigan, and Wisconsin.”

以前，中国学生都想去美国读书，但是现在，他们真的不明白美国为什么会搞成这样。还是在中国上学吧，起码你还可以去校园上课。

They say in every block of granite there's a sculpture, I can really feel the table bring the sculpture in me out.

Due to students’ votes, significant changes will be made to the Penn community.  

 “Due to the ban of paper, we iterate it is the patriotic duty of all Americans to discontinue the use of toilet paper, and adopt leaves, corn cobs, and rocks,” said Ross.  

It seems like we all enjoy putting ourselves through the pain of school work just so we can get out of it and feel better.  

Inhumane canker blossom of slimey puss and stink cow piss and shit sick to the sight jello-brain poisonous bunch-backed toad faithless hopeless dumb-monger goatish deformity of upside-down broken inverted nonexistent logic with strawberry ice cream innards 

“Of course it’s California and Oregon. The damn libertards are setting the state on fire and making smoke just so people wear masks,” said Bigdumm. “Wake up you sheeple, can’t you see it's just the government trying to control you.” 

“What's great about the set-up is that instead of sitting in lecture for 4 or 5 hours a day, I only need to sit in lecture for 1 hour."

No, Dan, I do not want to come to your hot tub party with Kayla and Karen, I don’t care how much Corona beer you have.  

 After months of practice and training, College junior Damian Trout set the world record for “Most Cans of La Croix consumed in a day” at 241 cans.  

“It’ll definitely be more effective than anything we’ve done before, like propping up oppressive military dictatorships, funding and supplying  terrorists, and attempting coups on sovereign nations.”