Feeling down? Turn them blue. Want to have a rave in your tiny dorm room, or in search of an epileptic seizure? Click the flash button. Seeking attention because nobody is friends with you? Flash SOS in Morse code. The possibilities are endless.  

There were empty boxes — empty boxes everywhere. Someone really went to town on Amazon Prime, I thought.

"I don’t even need to put on pants!"

“Who does he think we are? Cats?” said Engineering freshman Holden Trout. “All he does is point at his wall of text, and read it off to us, while pointing at it with his laser pointer.”

“I don’t have solutions for the packet. I want to prevent cheaters from copying and cheating on this optional, creditless review packet. Have a nice day, and go fuck yourself.”

“I always enjoy Team Snapchat’s messages,” Pon says. “After watching them once, I replay them to watch it again. I hope they don’t mind. I just want to make the most out of it, you know.” 

“Since freshman year, I’ve been throwing all types of coins in there,” said Phenn. “Pennies, dimes, nickels, half-dollars, dollar coins, bitcoins — but nothing has worked."

“Wow, your Valentine must really like peaches,” commented a student standing in line behind Pearlmin. Pearlmin turned around and smiled nervously. 

(Given): But 5 AP Literature and Lang bad. No count. Also newspaper bad. They no real writing. Grate Gatsby and Belovd not real english. They no have see true writes before. How Dog Thonks real literacher.

 “And we will all fit in the suite too. I know three is bigger than four, so two threes should be bigger than three. Four is bigger than three, so the math works out.” 

College life is when we are most susceptible to STDs. Here are some UTB approved ways to protect yourself against any sexual disease.

I’ll tell him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed about his nightly holy prayer and that he’s free to perform it whether I’m asleep or not. As long as he doesn't insist for me to join him.  

 “We have spent years refining our mixture, experimenting by adding ingredients to our floorboards,” said Chad Dang, the leader of the Omega Tau human glue-trap project.  The ingredients of their formula purportedly include many different types of alcohol, sugar, cocaine, human secretions, and other substances. 

 But the time has come; the time for mankind to discover what lies at the bottom of the peanut butter tub.  

Penn is known for being a vibrant and rigorous academic atmosphere, with top tier researchers and the best student self-teachers in the world.

PennCAPS will offer two types of “mental relief rooms”: the padded room and the rage room.

After losing his favorite pair of Wonder Woman socks when an inpatient devil took his laundry out of the machine for him, Engineering freshman Kevin Allister has taken to extreme measures to protect the rest of his Wonder Woman clothing merchandise.

“We have set up curtains and cardboard mattresses in the lecture halls and classrooms in DRL,” said Penn Facilities in a statement released to the student body, “Classes will continue to be held in DRL. Just step over the sleeping students.”

With the weather getting colder and colder, it is essential to keep your extremities warm, especially those that can pass your genes.

He stumbled out the door into a very familiar hallway; the door across the hall had a little sign on it that had his name on it.