Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Valentine’s Gay! Why Celebrating Love Makes You a Sissy


Photo (with edits) by driver Photographer / CC BY-SA 2.0

Sup dudes,

Valentine's Day is coming up and as always, it's important that you stay cool and straight. On the 14th, your girl is going to ask for flowers, chocolate, and stuffed animals. All the beta males are going to be bending over backwards in hopes of a quick "slip 'n slide" if you know what I mean ;). It takes a true Chad to realize that Valentine's day is in fact gay and therefore bad.

Oh sure your standard soy boys will gush over the "holiday," claiming it's a cute way to spend some quality time with their boyfriends, but real men who date cock-loving, mommy-milker gf's, know that beyond the sickening Hallmark movies, Valentine's Day was created by and for homosexuals. 

Beyond the gays, love is for elderly to middle-aged women. If you like celebrating love chances are good that you enjoy knitting and baking cookies, too. Are you an elderly to middle-aged woman? I didn't think so. So get your ass in gear and snap out of this love trance you fucking sissy.

The final group that gets all excited about Valentine's Day is the incels. I know that you're wondering how this is possible. But it's just that incels get so upset that they aren't getting any coochie during the days and weeks leading up to Valentine's Day that they are associated with the holiday like strippers are associated with Christmas or candy is associated with Halloween. Want to get excited about Valentine's Day? You might as well write "incel" on your forehead. 

In conclusion, Valentine's Day means your reputation is on the line. Do you want to be caught holding a stuffed animal you bought for your very attractive and real girlfriend? Of course not. Your macho appearance would be forever shattered. Unless you're a homo, a woman, or an incel move on, Valentine's Day isn't for you.