Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Pamela de La Cruz


Articles

Still a Virgin? Elizabeth Warren Has a Plan for That

“Our community has been overrun with gamer virgins. I won’t allow it. #resist”. The proposed legislation could be found in an attached google doc. 


Here's How Joe Biden Can Still Win

Certain Alabama senators have already taken the lead, and a ban of anyone under 65 voting may be underway. Some other architects of society have proposed legislation for banning the existence of non-boomers.


Stop Asking for My Opinions You Will Not like Them

I speak over my Engineering friends and tell them I should have gone to MIT even though I can’t count. I walk up to nurses and explain how cancer in the prostate works. 


Interview with the Handsome Old Man in Your Lecture

Retired, arthritis-ridden, and almost certainly a billionaire, Mister Riley Johnson takes pride in being an auditor.


Penn Protestors Now Charging For Photographs

Following the posting of a now-viral TikTok video depicting worldwide sweetheart Pamela De La Cruz dancing to obnoxiously loud reggaeton music before a sign that read “Be A Ho No Mo,” the ‘Penn Protesters’ have released a statement of disapproval. “It’s unfair,” said the one who wears the shirt with only 2 slurs on it. “We’re the ones who stand out in the cold all day. We make these signs and practice our preaching, and we’re not even getting a portion of the ad revenue you guys are making?”


Great White Shark Strikes Lauder House

"If someone wants to bring their dangerous animals, they should have every right.”


To My Writing Sem. Professor: So, You Didn't like My Fanfic?

Sure, I didn’t read Goffman’s The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life but I’m sure you didn’t either. Where was the romance? The suspense? 


OP-ED: Why Isn't It Funny to Make Fun of Nursing Students?

After days trying to write jokes, a thought came to my head: Why isn’t it hilarious to make fun of nursing students? Isn't nursing a big thing here or something?


An Interview with the Sexiest Under the Button Writer

Standing at a whopping 7 feet tall, Pamela De La Cruz replied to requests for interview ecstatically. 


Wharton Kid Reassures Local Stabbing Victim That the Market Will Take Care of It

 His backpack, said to have carried most of his life savings in cash, was stolen as well.


Stop Having Dates at Stommons

Is the cuddling necessary? It’s not cold today. Stop. I can’t focus when you’re staring into each other’s eyes like that, pressed together with gentle smiles. Go away.


Taking Econ? Sorry, Nerd, Me and My Friends Were Busy Being Sexy

You probably look up to Elon Musk, yeah?


BREAKING: Congress Confirms United States a Mistake

On Friday, the details for dismantling the United States were summarized, but the full report won’t be released until the following month.


PennConnects