Penn to Erect Campus’ First Sex Dungeon
April 1, 2021 at 5:52 pm
Penn administrators and city leaders joined together Thursday morning, April 1, 2021, for a ribbon-cutting ceremony to officially kick off the construction of the campus' first sex dungeon. Due to COVID-19, there were limited in-person attendees for the kick-off event. President Amy Gutmann cut the rope alongside Ronald Perelman.
(Credit: Sonia Shah)
The facility will be named the Perelman Sex Dungeon to honor Ronald and Jeffrey Perelman's generous donations to the project. The Perelman family has a long philanthropic relationship with the University, giving their name to the Perelman School of Medicine, Perelman Quadrangle, and Perelman Center for Political Science and Economics.
After the rope-cutting, there was a virtual ceremony. The Zoom event was attended by every single Penn student, especially the virgins, the entire Penn faculty, the Board of Trustees, the mayor of Philadelphia, Jim Kenney, the Philadelphia BDSM community, every students' family and extended family, and the President of the United States, Joe Biden.
Gutmann, Mercedes Owens, president of the Undergraduate Assembly, Jessica Furry, president of Penn Doms, and Rev. Charles L. Howard, University chaplain and vice president for social equity and community, all gave virtual speeches honoring the momentous construction project.
At their last meeting, the Board of Trustees' Budget and Finance Committee approved a resolution authorizing the University to spend $3 billion on the campus' first Sex Dungeon. The construction will begin later this week. The project is estimated to take over two years to complete and is projected to open in fall 2024.
"I already have a sex dungeon at home, but it'll be great to have one closer to work," David L. Cohen, chair of the Board of Trustees, said.
Penn also announced construction to expand men's bathrooms and designated smoking areas on campus for "chillers."
The Students Sustainability Association at Penn presented a proposal for an urban farm on campus that's proven to extract and use almost all of Philadelphia's carbon emissions. They estimated that project would cost only $50. However, the resolution did not pass due to limited funds resulting from the expensive sex dungeon that had just been approved before SSAP's presentation.
However, there have been no reported complaints or backlash from the student body regarding allocating funds to the sex dungeon.
"I think I say this for the whole student body when I say I'm really really excited to see Samantha Litenwood's boobs," Jacob Li, president of Penn Virgins Against Abstinence, said.
The 35,000-square-foot, one-floor sex dungeon will be located underneath the LOVE sign in collaboration with Student Health Service's "No Glove, No Love" campaign. Students and faculty will be able to access the facility through a manhole.
"Before, the area underneath the LOVE sign was dead space. Now, we're turning it into a state-of-the-art sex dungeon. Penn once again continues to pave the way for innovation and progress," Gutmann said in a released statement.
Construction trailers will soon be placed by the LOVE sign and in the surrounding area. Fences will temporarily block access to and around the statue. Penn is taking advantage of the current remote semester to undergo this construction project without disturbing students.
Given the excitement around the project, the University released the blueprints for the Perelman Sex Dungeon.
(Credit: Darrion Chen)
The Perelman Sex Dungeon will offer industry-standard dog cages, fuck benches, sex swings, and bondage tables.
An equipment checkout area will allow students to borrow and buy supplies such as lube, knee pads, condoms, rubber masks of various C-list celebrities, furry costumes, padded leather wrist cuffs, padded leather ankle cuffs, handcuffs (both with fur and without fur), collars, gags, blindfolds, adjustable spreader bars, straitjackets, head harnesses, muzzles, and duct tape.
Due to the construction timeline and its projected opening in 2024, the University has not released plans for COVID-19 risks associated with a sex dungeon.
The Perelman Sex Dungeon will include a silent study area. Wharton students can book and utilize a separate GSR.
There will also be a Starbucks located in the Perelman Sex Dungeon. This will be the sixth Starbucks near Penn's campus. This location will not accept dining dollars.
The facility will be designed by Bohlin Cywinski Jackson, the architectural firm that also designed Lauder College House and New College House West.
As part of a University effort to increase student art around campus, Penn has committed to feature student art in the Perelman Sex Dungeon.
The 2024 Class Board organized an art competition, and the winner will have their art displayed in the dungeon. The competition results were announced early Thursday, April 1, in coordination with the kick-off event. Ten thousand students submitted works of art for the competition.
"Timothy from high school texted me and was like, 'Hey! You should submit those drawings you always used to doodle in science class.' And then I responded like, 'OMG, haven't heard from you in like six years! Ummm … idkkk if I'll submit them. I've been told they make people nauseous and uncomfortable.' But he immediately responded and said, 'Isn't all art supposed to do make people nauseous and uncomfortable?' And he's so right! So, I went straight home from the park where I was transcending and grabbed one of the many, many BDSM-inspired art pieces hanging on my wall, scanned it, and submitted it to the competition! I had never even heard of Penn before, but they said I get to try the fuck benches, so that's sick," Jennifer O'Dear, a 31-year-old from Dallas and the winner of the 2024 Class Board art competition, said in her acceptance speech.
(Jennifer O'Dear's winning submission.)
In anticipation of the Perelman Sex Dungeon, the Fine Arts & Design Department is offering a new class titled "Choke Me Daddy: BDSM in Art and Culture" this upcoming fall 2021. Students will learn about the history of BDSM and its relationship to the city of Philadelphia.
"If the students that enroll in FNAR 69 can take what they learn in the classroom and apply it in the outside world, like in Perelman Sex Dungeon, then I have succeeded as an educator, artist, and lover," Jeffrey Myers, instructor of the new class "Choke Me Daddy: BDSM in Art and Culture," said. "I'm just excited for Faculty Friday at the Perelman Sex Dungeon."
The Perelman Sex Dungeon will be the first sex dungeon to be officially built on a university campus. Brown is set to follow suit, with their construction to launch over the summer.
"The Perelman Sex Dungeon will help students and faculty reconnect and heal as we move forward in an eventual post-pandemic world," Chief Wellness Officer Benoit Dubé said in a statement.
The University has cited "wellness" as the primary motivation behind the project. After the University's Lexipro mandate, a campus-wide study reported that students' libidos had decreased by 99%.