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Slay! Stephanie Really Hasn’t Changed For the Worse Lately


Photo by mendhak / CC BY-SA 2.0

Stephanie Lopez (C’23) totally hasn’t been an absolute bitch in recent weeks! She really didn’t go to the ZBT party every Thursday night. When her friends texted her, she never left them on delivered. She didn’t cut her Marx class at all, the only class she was excited about this semester. Prof assigned the Melville short story “Bartleby, the Scrivener,” which she was so excited about. And, of course, she totally read the whole thing. She made penetrating comments in class, one that she totally attended. 

Stephanie looks forward to more weeks of not being a complete cunt. Definitely not cheating on math quizzes, not behind on deadlines, not booty calling people at three in the morning.