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Liwa Sun


Articles

Editorial: I Am Not a Veteran

not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more


Report: Boyfriend Texting Drafts of Satire Headlines Again

“Wow, woke king! This white guy takes to a minority today!”



Here Are 5 Places on Campus for Woeful English Majors to Brood in And/ Or Weep At

The closest I will ever come to that 10-dollar lox sandwich 


Student With No Depression Exhibits Stellar Executive Function

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk


Report: Desserts Such as Bread Pudding

I’m literally addicted to food I have to eat it every day.


Oh, Hell Yeah: I Run Into My Best Friend at One of the Two Locations We Always Frequent on Campus

Hell yeah. I see you, brother. I come to you. One day I will weep for this. 


OP-ED: I Am a True Artist Who Cannot “Come to Club Meeting” or “Buy Alc for Pregame”

Shall I let the image of me approaching imminent death hang above my head like the Sword of Damocles? My mortality alone is principle enough.


BREAKING: Confucius Appointed as New University Provost

Confucius will replace Beth Winkelstein, bioengineering professor and interim provost. Confucius will be the first Chinese, first Confucian, as well as the first non-living individual to serve as Penn provost. 


Woke Mob Hasn’t Cancelled David Bowie but Here Are the 10 Tweets I Will Fire Off if They Hypothetically Did

I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.







I Lived It: He Left Me for a Girl Who Uses “Begs the Question” Erroneously

Readers, my jaw was on the floor. Did this girl seriously just invoke the logical fallacy in an erroneous manner?


OP-ED: I Did Not Come To Moelis Family Grand Reading Room to Make Friends

When I swipe with three fingers on my trackpad to access all 12 of my desktops (each with a different photo of St Vincent as desktop background), do not come near – the magnificence of it all might frighten you. 


Editorial: We Are Still in a Pandemic

The thing we have come to know as something as big as life – covid, coveed, the rona, the Kung Flu, Wuhan Virus, however you want to call it – is still there. And guess what? It will never go away


OP-ED: Suck Me Dry See If I Care

Remember, you naked agent of everything. The world didn’t corrupt you; you corrupted the world. And now you are crying? You absolute angel.


Student “Grinding Tonight” Somehow Will Be Smoking Three and a Half Joints

One moment I was by my laptop, about to type away my lab report. And then the next, I was high out of my mind. Absolutely nothing happened in between. I was as confused as you are.


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