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Liwa Sun


Articles

Tragic! Area Woman Dies After 10-Minute Male Attention Withdrawal

She proceeded to listen to Thinking Bout You by Frank Ocean three times. Within 10 minutes, she upped and died.


Woke King! This Guy’s Type Is Ivy-League Educated Women of Color

This white man truly does not discriminate at all! 


Ally Behavior! This Straight Woman Does Poppers

"Yeah, she would not stop doing poppers that night," Ryan's other gay friend Josh Compas (C '21) told us, "We were like, 'what are you doing,' but she just kept chanting 'hashtag queen shit' over and over, and then I said, 'it's literally Pride Month, Nicole,' and she was like, 'exactly.'"


Sophomore Unaware He Is at Exact Moment When Gifted Child Turns into Burnt Out Adult

At Penn, Liang is a biannually participating member of Penn Outdoors and a thrice-rejected submitter to Penn Review. He got cut from both ZBT and Phi after two rounds of open rush.


How to Not Set Yourself on Fire When Someone Bumps Message on Slack

Drop all your activities. Read The Bible. Download Tinder. Marry Sarwar Shah from the 40th St Halal Truck. Busy yourself with domestic work. 


Wow! Mediocre Man Emotionally Unavailable

You loved him. He averaged around 50 hours before he texted you back each time. You did not once experience orgasm during sex with him. What a king!


Innovative! Sad Girl Takes Crying Selfie to Prove She Is Sad

She lamented her harrowing life as a young white girl. 


English Major Enters 11th Month of Reading Same Paperback

At this point, Lopez requested a nicotine break. 


Introducing EAST & UP: My Flight Back to China This Summer

Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over.


UPennAlert: I’m Upset at 39th and Locust

See www.publicsafety.upenn.edu for details.


Why I Refuse to See Other Women as Competition Unless They Are the Same Race As Me

I’m all against competitions unless it’s coming down between me and another Chinese skank. In that case, there is absolutely a competition and I’m winning.


BREAKING: I Love to Get 2 On

Make no mistake: I love to get on to begin with. The mere act of getting 1 on is already heaven to me. So you can imagine the elation of getting 2 on. 


Op-Ed: Stop Bringing Your Kids to Clark Park, I Need to Smoke

Bring justice to us future lung cancer patients.


Self-Identified Extroverted Introvert? You Might Be Eligible for Lethal Injection

In the past several weeks, many Penn students have already received the injection by walking into the FEMA center and claiming the leftover shots.


Slay! Stephanie Really Hasn’t Changed For the Worse Lately

Stephanie looks forward to more weeks of not being a complete cunt.


OP-ED: Stop Acting Like the Pandemic Is Over and Start Acting Like It Never Happened

We may never recall all we found to be normal prior to the beginning of the pandemic, but we should not get caught up in the importance of trying to regain that sense of normalcy; we need to do more. 


Penn’s Commencement Plans Overlook Orthodox Jews and Those Who Already Booked Their Bora Bora Tickets

Penn’s willful ignorance of Orthodox Jewish students’ religious practices, as well as Stephanie’s well-planned-out schedule to live it the fuck up in Bora Bora can be corrected. 


Four Items From Urban Outfitters Clearance Rack That Say: My Parents Were Absent During My Developmental Years

Every piece of clothing in Urban Outfitters tells a story. Some say, "I just moved from Rural Virginia to Philly and boy do I need to stop wearing skinny jeans." Others say, "I just deleted Hinge for the sixth time, but this Saturday night I will redownload it."


BREAKING: A New Annotation Has Been Added to Your Canvas Submission

That night, everything becomes clear under the ruthless moonlight. A new annotation has indeed been added to your canvas submission. MATH114 TA Bob Greisch has assessed your quiz and annotated: “None of these steps really help you get towards upper triangular.”


Report: Second Floor Panera Bread Fraught With the Hostile Stares of the Better Adjusted

But is any of this effort enough to gear me up for the absolute bloodbath on the second floor of Panera Bread? 


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