Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over.

See www.publicsafety.upenn.edu for details.

I’m all against competitions unless it’s coming down between me and another Chinese skank. In that case, there is absolutely a competition and I’m winning.

Make no mistake: I love to get on to begin with. The mere act of getting 1 on is already heaven to me. So you can imagine the elation of getting 2 on. 

Bring justice to us future lung cancer patients.

In the past several weeks, many Penn students have already received the injection by walking into the FEMA center and claiming the leftover shots.

Stephanie looks forward to more weeks of not being a complete cunt.

We may never recall all we found to be normal prior to the beginning of the pandemic, but we should not get caught up in the importance of trying to regain that sense of normalcy; we need to do more. 

Penn’s willful ignorance of Orthodox Jewish students’ religious practices, as well as Stephanie’s well-planned-out schedule to live it the fuck up in Bora Bora can be corrected. 

Every piece of clothing in Urban Outfitters tells a story. Some say, "I just moved from Rural Virginia to Philly and boy do I need to stop wearing skinny jeans." Others say, "I just deleted Hinge for the sixth time, but this Saturday night I will redownload it."

That night, everything becomes clear under the ruthless moonlight. A new annotation has indeed been added to your canvas submission. MATH114 TA Bob Greisch has assessed your quiz and annotated: “None of these steps really help you get towards upper triangular.”

But is any of this effort enough to gear me up for the absolute bloodbath on the second floor of Panera Bread? 

On top of being talented in creative writing, Fiona was also exceedingly employable.

Josiah Gordon declined our request for comment. He was last seen walking circles forlornly around the Bio Pond.

At one point, the guy stopped his motion and whispered into the air: “Alexa, play Musafir by Penn Masala.” 

“When I opened the decision portal when it came out, the thought of filming my reaction never crossed my mind,” said Delaney.

Especially in these unprecedented times, CAPS is more committed than ever to creating a safe and caring environment for Penn’s diverse student body.