Liwa Sun
Articles
Editorial: I Am Not a Veteran
not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more
Report: Boyfriend Texting Drafts of Satire Headlines Again
“Wow, woke king! This white guy takes to a minority today!”
UTB’s Guide for Sending Your Professor Ignominious Emails Asking for Undeserved Extension or Apologizing for Irredeemable Wretchedness
First step, enema.
Here Are 5 Places on Campus for Woeful English Majors to Brood in And/ Or Weep At
The closest I will ever come to that 10-dollar lox sandwich
Student With No Depression Exhibits Stellar Executive Function
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Report: Desserts Such as Bread Pudding
I’m literally addicted to food I have to eat it every day.
Oh, Hell Yeah: I Run Into My Best Friend at One of the Two Locations We Always Frequent on Campus
Hell yeah. I see you, brother. I come to you. One day I will weep for this.
OP-ED: I Am a True Artist Who Cannot “Come to Club Meeting” or “Buy Alc for Pregame”
Shall I let the image of me approaching imminent death hang above my head like the Sword of Damocles? My mortality alone is principle enough.
BREAKING: Confucius Appointed as New University Provost
Confucius will replace Beth Winkelstein, bioengineering professor and interim provost. Confucius will be the first Chinese, first Confucian, as well as the first non-living individual to serve as Penn provost.
Woke Mob Hasn’t Cancelled David Bowie but Here Are the 10 Tweets I Will Fire Off if They Hypothetically Did
I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.
BREAKING: Interjection Deemed Too Out-Of-Pocket Even for Zaniest Member of Friend Group
Nostalgic! Eye-Rub to Unearth Glitter From Two ABBA Nights Ago
OP-ED: Sit Your White Ass Down and Listen
OP-ED: I Carry a Telfar Bag to School and You Will Treat Me as Such
Penn Replaces Mask Mandates With Whatever the Fuck Bjork Is Wearing Here
I Lived It: He Left Me for a Girl Who Uses “Begs the Question” Erroneously
Readers, my jaw was on the floor. Did this girl seriously just invoke the logical fallacy in an erroneous manner?
OP-ED: I Did Not Come To Moelis Family Grand Reading Room to Make Friends
When I swipe with three fingers on my trackpad to access all 12 of my desktops (each with a different photo of St Vincent as desktop background), do not come near – the magnificence of it all might frighten you.
Editorial: We Are Still in a Pandemic
The thing we have come to know as something as big as life – covid, coveed, the rona, the Kung Flu, Wuhan Virus, however you want to call it – is still there. And guess what? It will never go away
OP-ED: Suck Me Dry See If I Care
Remember, you naked agent of everything. The world didn’t corrupt you; you corrupted the world. And now you are crying? You absolute angel.
Student “Grinding Tonight” Somehow Will Be Smoking Three and a Half Joints
One moment I was by my laptop, about to type away my lab report. And then the next, I was high out of my mind. Absolutely nothing happened in between. I was as confused as you are.