She proceeded to listen to Thinking Bout You by Frank Ocean three times. Within 10 minutes, she upped and died.

This white man truly does not discriminate at all! 

"Yeah, she would not stop doing poppers that night," Ryan's other gay friend Josh Compas (C '21) told us, "We were like, 'what are you doing,' but she just kept chanting 'hashtag queen shit' over and over, and then I said, 'it's literally Pride Month, Nicole,' and she was like, 'exactly.'"

At Penn, Liang is a biannually participating member of Penn Outdoors and a thrice-rejected submitter to Penn Review. He got cut from both ZBT and Phi after two rounds of open rush.

Drop all your activities. Read The Bible. Download Tinder. Marry Sarwar Shah from the 40th St Halal Truck. Busy yourself with domestic work. 

You loved him. He averaged around 50 hours before he texted you back each time. You did not once experience orgasm during sex with him. What a king!

She lamented her harrowing life as a young white girl. 

At this point, Lopez requested a nicotine break. 

Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over.

See www.publicsafety.upenn.edu for details.

I’m all against competitions unless it’s coming down between me and another Chinese skank. In that case, there is absolutely a competition and I’m winning.

Make no mistake: I love to get on to begin with. The mere act of getting 1 on is already heaven to me. So you can imagine the elation of getting 2 on. 

Bring justice to us future lung cancer patients.

In the past several weeks, many Penn students have already received the injection by walking into the FEMA center and claiming the leftover shots.

Stephanie looks forward to more weeks of not being a complete cunt.

We may never recall all we found to be normal prior to the beginning of the pandemic, but we should not get caught up in the importance of trying to regain that sense of normalcy; we need to do more. 

Penn’s willful ignorance of Orthodox Jewish students’ religious practices, as well as Stephanie’s well-planned-out schedule to live it the fuck up in Bora Bora can be corrected. 

Every piece of clothing in Urban Outfitters tells a story. Some say, "I just moved from Rural Virginia to Philly and boy do I need to stop wearing skinny jeans." Others say, "I just deleted Hinge for the sixth time, but this Saturday night I will redownload it."

That night, everything becomes clear under the ruthless moonlight. A new annotation has indeed been added to your canvas submission. MATH114 TA Bob Greisch has assessed your quiz and annotated: “None of these steps really help you get towards upper triangular.”

But is any of this effort enough to gear me up for the absolute bloodbath on the second floor of Panera Bread?