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Liwa Sun


Articles

Student “Grinding Tonight” Somehow Will Be Smoking Three and a Half Joints

One moment I was by my laptop, about to type away my lab report. And then the next, I was high out of my mind. Absolutely nothing happened in between. I was as confused as you are.


BREAKING: The Worst Person You Know Responded “Maybe” to Facebook Event

Since this person’s RSVP, the fraternity that is throwing the downtown as well as the mass that will be in attendance have been awaiting the final decision as to whether he will deign to grace the venue in bated breath. 


REPORT: Professor Is Cool Because He Says “Fuck” a Lot

But more than that, he is deemed an inimitable professor also because of his habitual usage of the popular curse word, “fuck.” 


Yikes! Some Girl Commented, 'Photo Credits to Me' Under Your Crush’s Instagram

The comment said, “Photo credits to me." Naturally, the person who wrote this comment and your crush have been engaging in decadent sexual entanglements.


Attention Whore? This Girl Walks on Locust

During her 90-second stroll, she waved to six acquaintances, had an elongated chat with a friend from freshman year, and was seen by half of the undergraduate population at the University of Pennsylvania. 


BREAKING: Girl Feeling an Emotion at a Location on Campus

Girl entered a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from her circumstances, mood, and/ or relationships at a particular space in the general grounds and/ or buildings of the University of Pennsylvania. 


Op-Ed: How Do I Unsubscribe From the Listserv of the Philomathean Society?

In the emails, they kept talking about “admission” into the “society.” As far as I’m concerned, we all already live in a society. I had no idea that you had to go through interview processes to be in society now. A bit ludicrous.


Student Secures Boyfriend to Connect Laptop to AirPennNet

It has since been revealed that Newark, set to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Neuroscience next spring, has been using AirPennNet–Guest on her various tablets since NSO freshman year. 


Here’s Why I Endorsed My Pledgemaster for Management on LinkedIn

Needless to say, I was proper pledged and mastered.


Aw Shucks! Girl Next to You in Lecture Browsing Penn InTouch

She is free and you are not. What are you going to do?


Op-Ed: You Heard So Much About Me? All Good Things I Hope, Haha

Yeah, for sure, let’s get dinner.


BREAKING: Guy in Class Would Like to Direct Group’s Attention to Another Page

At which point, the entire class shat pants.


I’m On the REES Mailing List Because I Love Deleting Unread Emails

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done. And there is no new thing under the sun.


Op–Ed: Wanna See My Bruises?

I was already so trashed at that point.


Tragic! Area Woman Dies After 10-Minute Male Attention Withdrawal

She proceeded to listen to Thinking Bout You by Frank Ocean three times. Within 10 minutes, she upped and died.


Woke King! This Guy’s Type Is Ivy-League Educated Women of Color

This white man truly does not discriminate at all! 


Ally Behavior! This Straight Woman Does Poppers

"Yeah, she would not stop doing poppers that night," Ryan's other gay friend Josh Compas (C '21) told us, "We were like, 'what are you doing,' but she just kept chanting 'hashtag queen shit' over and over, and then I said, 'it's literally Pride Month, Nicole,' and she was like, 'exactly.'"


Sophomore Unaware He Is at Exact Moment When Gifted Child Turns into Burnt Out Adult

At Penn, Liang is a biannually participating member of Penn Outdoors and a thrice-rejected submitter to Penn Review. He got cut from both ZBT and Phi after two rounds of open rush.


How to Not Set Yourself on Fire When Someone Bumps Message on Slack

Drop all your activities. Read The Bible. Download Tinder. Marry Sarwar Shah from the 40th St Halal Truck. Busy yourself with domestic work. 


Wow! Mediocre Man Emotionally Unavailable

You loved him. He averaged around 50 hours before he texted you back each time. You did not once experience orgasm during sex with him. What a king!


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