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Choose Your Own Adventure: Will You Resist Your Cousin’s Sexual Advances in Quarantine?


Photo by Matt Brown / CC BY 2.0

“Ok,” you say starting to turn around, “Wifi should be good — ” 

There’s Addie. Completely naked. In your basement. With no towel on. The audacity of this cousin. 

“Addie,” you say, covering your eyes and slowly approaching her, “last time you did this I specifically told you that there was a no-nudity rule in this house, how many times do I need to tell you —”

“Lirach Tasa Vefa Wehlic, Belial,” replies Addie, stopping you while you’re halfway across the room. “Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar, Lucifer.”

You wrinkle your nose as you look at the floor more carefully. You see that you are in the middle of a pentagram sketched in blood on the basement floor. “Addie!” you scold, as you feel your body stiffen up and be invaded by the Infernal powers. “Satanism, too? We talked about this! No demons in the house —”

Addie ignores you and keeps chanting.

Give yourself over to the Infernal Prince, Lucifer. 

Rip the router off the wall and throw it at Addie.